My job is mostly seeing to other people’s needs. What do they want. What do they need. What would they like.. versus what is better for them. Then there’s cleaning up after them. The glamorous life of a cook. It’s hard sometimes to step out of this mindset/role when I’m off the clock. BUT I am getting better at it. Like Seinfeld said “take care now.. because I will not be taking care of you”. I am reminded that there is a difference between caregiving and caretaking. That empathy and sympathy are natural but putting others ahead of myself is not. That maybe, hiding underneath all the off the clock caretaking there are some control issues.. as a way to soothe my own anxiety. Maybe (totally) I think I know best. It’s an interesting thing to both doubt yourself and think you know better than anyone else. I’ve never really been one to pick sides.. anyhow, I digress. Take care now!

Day 46: Hash + fried egg & kimchi with bloobs.