These days I have to remind myself to breathe as I listen to the news and I can’t help but hear George Floyd’s voice saying that he can’t breathe. In my life I have spent a lot of energy struggling to understand things that I needed to just accept. Feel them.. accept them.. let them go.. I have lost a lot of time to my inability to do this. Eventually I come out on the other side realizing that I don’t need to understand something in order to accept that IT IS. The reality of the world at this moment is boiling over with things I don’t want to understand. Things I find to be completely unacceptable and their solutions do not require any amount of letting go that I could provide. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I don’t know how I can help. Signing petitions to make sure people are charged for a murder the world watched them participate in feels.. impotent. Ridiculous. Crazy making. How do the people in charge hold their positions when they seem lost on the concept of justice itself? I want to respond not react.. but I worry that beyond doing something outrageous no one will be heard. I worry that I don’t fully understand the people who need to hear our societies response. When I don’t know what moves to make I try to get still and allow the answer to present itself. Over the past few days I have taken some criticism over how I have behaved, expressed myself or not expressed myself in the aftermath of all this loss of life and wild injustice. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t cause me to retreat. I just can’t grieve and be socially/ politically correct I guess. And that I can accept and make improvements on. I am rambling.. I am trying my best.. I haven’t been eating well.. or much. Which I realize doesn’t help. This helps though. I’m taking some time to become better informed. To become a better ally. Join me.
Day 141: Deconstructed “egg salad”.. first off, I really hate egg salad and this redeemed nothing. I need to go to the store though and this was what I had lingering in the fridge. Toasted crumpet, yogurt and feta blended with basil, oregano and thyme, topped with a hard boiled egg and home made pickles.