Coping

We are in the wave now. I have been getting a lot of calls from friends who are feeling very anxious and alone. Understandably so. All anyone can talk about is the virus. There is nothing untouched by this. I’ve been asked how I am coping and I thought I would list a few of my favorite methods here.

1. Work out. Break a sweat and burn off any energies that are wigging you out.
2. Get some sunlight. Low vitamin D levels during winter are one of the things that permit viral epidemics.
3. Wim Hof. I love this breathing exercise. I started doing it after reading that it could help balance my hormones and while that may be happening I continue to do it because it makes me feel fucking amazing.
4. Turn it up. Get some music going, dance it off or listen to some sad bastard stuff and cry it out. Music increases dopamine and boosts your immune system. It can even change your perception of time. Music engages every part of your brain.. so choose wisely what you are engaging it with.
5. Connect how you can. Call someone. Write a letter. Go live. Just reach out. Tell someone you are thinking of them. Im excited to see how creative everyone gets in their communication over the coming weeks.
6. Not to keep harping on it but.. get creative. Make something if you have some energy to burn or stress to release.
7. Eat as much fresh food as you can. We could all be leaning on pantry staples soon enough but fresh fruits and veg will keep you grounded and connected to your physical environment. While providing you with nutrients you really need to keep your immune system going strong.
8. Be in the moment. Don’t think about what is not happening or what could happen. Who is not here or where you wish you were. Maybe the moment is uncomfortable. Just feel what you feel and stay with it. We only get chased by the things we run from.

Day 69: Leftover garlic mashed potatoes with spinach, carrots, scallions, pesto + farm egg.

The value of creative expression

Many people seem to have had a negative reaction to the idea that this time at home could be used to follow through on our personal creative endeavors. That this line of thinking is rooted in capitalism. My forever stance is “feel how you gotta feel” but this response has bummed me out. It makes me wonder how some of us value the act of creating. Staying home and expressing ourselves is not capitalism. It is human. Externalizing the inner workings of our minds is how we come to truly know and potentially understand each other. For many of us our daily responsibilities and 9-5 jobs claim our time and mental bandwidth. Leaving us with nothing to express beyond exhaustion and for many, anxiety. A challenging combination.These feelings close us up, like a fist. Creativity happens when we are open. Many of us are givers and your creative expression is an incredible way of giving to yourself and others, simultaneously. It is self care. It is an act of vulnerability. It is a healthy way to process your feelings. And for those of us who are struggling and itching to get out of the house, Twyla Tharp said it best.. “Art is the only way to runaway without leaving home”

Day 69: Farm egg baked over kale, scallions, potatoes, goat cheese and sun dried tomatoes. Kombucha on the side.

Mean Screen

Ive been thinking about light a lot lately. Maybe it is the time shift. Most likely it is spending endless hours on the computer for work and school. People are always consuming. Food, plastic, meds, information, furniture, jewelry, firearms, advertising and I’d never really thought about it before but light belongs on that list too. We consume a lot of it. Most of it is artificial. Much like our food. When I sat down to eat my breakfast today I just could not flip open my computer and write. I am tired of the screen. I’m tired of the glowing software. I just wanted to gaze out the open door and watch the grass grow. So I did. It was a little overcast at first and the birds were stalking bugs in the yard. They inspired me. I decided to switch up my priorities for the day and headed outside with my camera. I needed some sunshine. Which is a new feeling for me. I went by the farm and grabbed my veg, which they left outside for me (seems society is adjusting alright to this idea of social distancing). Then the sun came out. I walked around for a bit taking a second here and there to stop and smell the flowers. Everything is in bloom. Mountain laurel, the grapefruit trees, dandelions, butter cups, chickweed, lantana, bluebonnets, the poppies… it is amazing. The sun is really dancing things around out there. It danced me around too. The world may seemingly be going to shit but at least it smells good.

Day 68: Yogurt, blackberries, honey, moringa, flax, cocao, hemp hearts, chia, sunflower seeds, pepitas and crunchy quinoa.

Hushing…

I feel quiet today. The energies are loud enough. Feels like a good day for dancing.. for cat napping.. for taking a break from the news. For drifting.. So I’m just going to leave it at that.

Day 67: Fried rice with kale & smoked trout.

Alone Not Lonely

Last fall I started studying nutrition. Going into it ready to take notes on nutrients and calories.. vitamin absorption and how they function in our bodies. That is part of the curriculum but more than that I’ve been studying how we live. How we feel. How what we eat dictates a lot of how we feel and how me manage those emotions. That all this is circular. How we feel then dictates how we live and what we eat. Oddly enough, before this virus made itself known we were discussing the ways our social lives and relationships effect our health. How a lack of connection can make us sick. Now we are all in social distancing mode due to a virus contracted in a food market on the other side of the world from where I sit right now. A pretty intense echo of my studies.. Very amazing that we have the internet in a time of quarantine. We can all go back to our corners without losing our connection to each other. I’ve had a few people reach out, telling me they feel lonely and asking me if I ever feel that way and how I deal with it. I had to really think about it. I used to go out and drink when I felt lonely. These days I try to imagine everyone else who might feel the same way. Because I know they are out there. I work on art or I call a friend. Read a book with a character I really relate to. I’ll go for a walk and pet all the neighborhood cats or send someone I love a postcard. WHICH I think postcards during quarantine is a fantastic idea. If you’d like one please email me your address.

Day 66: Kale, garbonzo’s, scallion with yogurt, Parmesan, 6 minute egg and dukkah. Today I am having some tea I brought home from work. Nettles, Oatstraw, Rosehips, Borage, Licorice, Wild Yam, Schisandra, Red Clover and Stevia. A+

I heard you.

At some point I have heard everyone I know say something along the lines of “ I want to ______ but I don’t have the time..” Well, I heard you! No more excuses! Everything has been cancelled! Go write your book! Finish your fucking screenplay! Ceate that clothing line. Record the album. Learn to speak French or play the piano. Teach your cat to shit in the toilet. Design that card game. Learn to juggle. Beat that world record. Plant the garden. Knit your mom that sweater. Paint that masterpiece. You’ve got the time.

Day 65: Tried and true.. Sweet potato, kale, garlic + kimchi & farm egg. Cup-o-Rasa.

Who are we?

…and who do we think we are? This virus has people acting crazy. Hoarding in panic mode. I don’t mean to shame anyone for being afraid. The situation is unprecedented and truly alarming. It’s a mirror though. We are being forced to look at ourselves. The systems we have created, payed into or simply tolerated. There’s no escaping the fact that we are our environment. Maybe this is why people are so upset about social distancing. We are all forced to leave the distractions on the other side of the door and just be with ourselves at home. I feel like I have been training for this. Social Distancing may very well be where I excel. Jokes aside, I know it’s going to hurt financially. None of us are alone in that. But that’s something we need to look at too. How much we truly need each other and how much we value money over that reality and everything, honestly. Our time, our health, our families. So, we are all getting benched. I feel like it is a restructuring of the energy. I hope, for everyone that it feels more like solitude and less like isolation. That worry and ruminating becomes revelation. Maybe this is us going within so we will not have to go without. Or perhaps this is just a total nightmare of a hand washing PSA.

Day 64: Hazelnut Banana Bread with yogurt, almond butter, blackberries and seeds. I’m more grateful than ever to live next to the farm. To make this bread happen I needed some eggs and I was able to walk over and get some, pandemonium free.

Happy Friday the 13th

Once upon a time Friday the 13th had nothing to do with slasher flicks and general bad luck. Friday is the day of Venus. The number 13 holds an extremely potent feminine energy and is considered to be the number of death, rebirth, creation and fertility. Before patriarchal times, Friday the 13th was considered the day of the Goddess. A day to worship the Divine Feminine that lives in us all and to honor the cycles of creation, death and rebirth. Today is no unlucky day. It’s energy calls you to manifest, to honor creativity, celebrate beauty, wisdom and nourishment of the soul. I posted this on the Herb Bar IG this morning.. I figured it worked here too.

63: PB & Berry Oatmeal. Oatmeal, blackberries, grapes, peanut butter, cocoa powder, cocoa nibs and chia seeds. I missed my junky Peanut CaptainCrunch.. so I danced this mess around to scratch that itch.

Shining like a diamond..

Last night I got out of town and spent some time under the stars. So dark and so quiet. My jam. I could nearly hear the grass growing, the trees budding.. the bugs making more bugs. The sky was super clear last night and Venus was turned up to 11. “Shinin’ like a diamond in a black cats butt” as my dad would say. It seemed to get brighter as the night went on. When I finally headed in for the night I felt grateful for the opportunity to get out of the city and very insignificant.. in the best possible way. This morning there was a little crick in my neck from mouth breathing at the sky for so long. It had me thinking about these stargazing pools in Chichen Itza. The Mayans ran into this same issue “ow, my neck” issue and began observing and mapping the sky through the reflection on the water. Comfortable geniuses! May we all find such clever solutions to life’s little cricks.

Day 62: Sweet potatoes, kale & avocado with yogurt, pesto, micro greens and seeds.

Crumpets, I love you.

Once I discovered the crumpet I had nothing left for bagels or muffins. Toast was dead to me. The less dusty, less crumby cousin of the English muffin. I’m into it. I have a little cheer I do while they toast. “C-R-U-M! P-E-T-S! Hey!” Clap and repeat. Annoy your neighbors. It’s fun. Once, upon arriving in London, starving, I walked out of the train station and across the street was this little bakery called Crumpets. I’m sure it’s the equivalent of our dunk n donuts or whatever but I felt seen and heard by the universe. I darted right over there. This was going to be the first thing I ate in London and I was over the fucking moon about it! The shop smelled great, the pastries were all shimmering and shining the display case… but I didn’t see any crumpets. Not one, not plural. None-zo. When I asked I was informed that they had run out of crumpets. In that moment, out of desperation and sadness my stomach ate my heart. I walked outside with the shop attendant and pointed up at the glowing sign that read simply “Crumpets!”. We both had a good laugh. The irony. I never did get a crumpet while I was there. I had plenty of pudding, yikes. Some mind blowing fish and chips. Oh, and oysters for breakfast at The Wolseley, the most beautiful restaurant I have ever been in. So not all was lost. Anyhow..

“C-R-U-M! P-E-T-S! Hey!”

Day 61: Sautéed greens with crispy shiitakes and poached egg + crumpet on the side. Yogurt with berries, crispy quinoa, cocoa nibs and chia. *if you crisp up the mushrooms they are sort of like little lardons. Mmm.

This feels good.

It’s a good thing I am eating regularly. I’ve been doing a lot of physical and emotional healing over the past few months and it can be fucking exhausting. I had not realized how little I was eating before. Or how totally spent I was. I am increasingly stunned by how little I was caring for myself. So many symptoms over looked. Feelings suppressed. neglected, shrugged off, And of course, projected. Truly sorry (whoever needs to hear that apology). I operated in the red on so many levels for years. Decades even. Sitting down with a warm meal at the start of every day, with myself gives me a moment to feel what’s happening in my life, in my body and in my mind. Good or bad. To give it all some space to exist and be acknowledged. This feels good. To eat before my blood sugar tanks. To let it be okay if I feel tired or blue or get the mean reds. To arrive for myself before it’s time to send up a flare. I am creating more room for feeling pretty fucking alright. It’s been said that how you do one thing is how you do anything.. I am feeling that.

Day 60: Sautéed greens, roasted beets, avocado, tahini + egg, spicy micro greens and Trader Joe’s everything but the bagel seasoning. Berries on the side (those blackberries were dope).

Kopfkino

This morning I’m not feeling so hot. On top of it my to do list for the week was rioting around in my head when I got up. I started writing it all down to make a game plan and this voice was telling me all the ways it could go wrong. That my efforts may not be enough and/ or how hard it would be to pull it all off and blah blah.. I started seeing it though. All being the worst or just challenging at best.This is… Kopfkino, “mind cinema”. I have to remind myself all the time that the voice that kicks off these little tales of woe in my head is not my voice. I know this because I am the one listening to IT. It is the voice of my ego. Which loves it when shit is hard or the worst because then we have something to complain about and rah rah, blah. Movie off. You’re cancelled. So I turned my to do list into a gratitude list. Magic. Speaking of! Super Worm Moon tonight! May it shine a light on everything that doesn’t serve you, so you can let it fucking go.

Day 59: Kale, crumpets, smoked trout and yogurt with pesto. Switchin’ it up over here.

Watching the world burn.

It’s International Women’s Day… because we need recognition over equality? Italy is on lock down. The headlines are full of DIY quarantine tips, economic freak outs and yet the kardashian updates persist. SXSW is cancelled and the cruise ship industry may have finally met its match. Fingers crossed. Wild times.

Day 58: Rice cake + avocado, kale & scallion salad, mucho tahini. Kombucha.

Waffling

In the continued effort of saying “yes” more often, I went out last night. Stunning, I know. I went to the Lord Buffalo record release. Which was totally awesome. The new record is rad, check it. I got to see Bridge Farmers and a lot of amazing faces I haven’t seen in ages. Plus I went home with a t-shirt that has Cassandra Peterson’s boobs on it. Thank you, Bridge Farmers. I’m feeling the lack of sleep today though. Bedtime is a great time and I completely neglected it last night. Today I can’t seem to get with it. Keeping my priorities strait is a challenge. Waffling from one thing to another making little to no progress. I can count breakfast as a win though. It is unreal that I used to live on this little sleep WITH a hangover, all the damn time. So that’s another win. Waking up Saturday morning-ish hangover free.

Day 57: Sweet potato, scallion & parmesan waffles + fried egg.

The Time is Now

A lotta moving parts today.. here’s a positive message from Jonathan Richman..

Day 56: Kimchi & bloobs + banana and Rasa latte

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Things are not always what they seem in this place..

In school right now we are studying the nervous system and the perception of stress. We are looking at how a system designed to flip on when we may have been eaten by a tiger or smashed by falling rocks now mistakes a full inbox as a life threatening situation. How our stress hormones are burning up everything behind the scenes due to a lack of perception and priorities. It’s making us sick. Sometimes sick to death. Daily I hear someone say “the struggle is real.” It has me thinking of Sarah wandering through the labyrinth trying to rescue her little brother from the Goblin King before the clock runs out. One pitfall after another she continues to remind herself that things are not what they seem. It’s so odd (and unfortunate) that our nervous system hasn’t evolved and it is something else we need to manage. But that’s where we are. So here it is, Thursday. If you are struggling, jamming coffee and wishing for Friday, I urge you to take a step back and look at what is stressing you the fuck out. Perspective is everything. As Sarah said in the end “You have no power over me.”

Day 55: Golden milk oatmeal with coconut, dried cherries petitas and bloobs. Cup of fit ppl superfood.

Waking up with Zeus

So nice to roll out of bed in the roaring rain. Everything is in puddles. The heavy smell of earth. Thunder growling off in the distant corners of the sky. The kind of days that gently pull you into them, drop by drop. I had wanted to take a walk with my camera this morning but I think I’ll just leave the door open, flip some pancakes and paint a little instead.

Day 54: Banana Pancake… sounds like an insult that would stumble out of your mouth when you’re entirely flustered and at a loss for words. “You! You!.. Banana Pancake!” I’m working on some grain free recipes for a client and these are pretty satisfying. 1 banana, two eggs, a shake, shake, shake of cinnamon, 1/8 tsp baking powder and 3 Tbsp almond flour.. only complaint is that they’re a bit delicate in the pan. They throw a bit of a fit when you try to flip them. I can empathize with that though. All in all B+

Democracy Now // Breakfast Later

I’m running late today because I went out to vote. It was the first time I have ever been truly happy standing in a long line.

Day 53: Sautéed kale, carrots, green onions & mushrooms + 6-ish minute egg and seeds. Side of fruit, Rasa.

Morning Pages

Damn, it’s so nice to wake up naturally, without an alarm. I’m over the moon to be back in my own little world cooking for little ole me. Just a table for one, please.

While I was away I strayed from a part of my morning routine that I really enjoy, Morning Pages. It really helps me start the day with a clear head. I air out grievances, flush out creative ideas and identify patterns in my thoughts or behavior that keep me from achieving all the things I really want. I am thrilled to have time for it again. Give it a shot. Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, ideally done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages– they are not high art. They aren't even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only.

Day 52: Kale and kimchi fried rice with scallions and carrot. All from the farm. Minus the rice of course. Fruit on the side.

Just say yes to everything.. nbd

Lately a lot of opportunities I’ve been wishing and hoping for are starting to roll in. I am feeling a little overwhelmed but ultimately very excited. Confident, even. I just gotta stay focused. Last night I had the pleasure of attending the 6th Golden Hornet String Quartet Smackdown. It took me back to the days of being very new in town. One of the first people I met was Graham Reynolds. The most focused human being I have ever known. He wasn’t scoring major motion pictures back then but he knew that is what he wanted to do. He was so ambitious, driven and prolific. Still is. At some point I asked him what his secret was. He told me he just said yes to everything. To this day the idea alone terrifies me but it totally appeared to be true. He had a day job. He was working with every playwright in town. Every dance company, too. Scoring silent films, playing clubs, house parties, recording albums, touring, applying for grants, writing symphonies and teaching piano lessons. He kept up with his recreational reading by cracking a book at red lights. Who does that? To me he was a unicorn.. maybe a robot. I never even saw him hurry or panic. He made it look like he had more hours in the day than everyone else. He was keeping calm and carrying on long before that damn poster went viral. Anyhow, last night he inspired me once again. I am going to see what happens when I stay focused. When I say yes more often. I might even start reading at red lights. Let the honking begin!

Day 51: Rice with kimchi, fried egg, cilantro, shisho, seeds and braggs amino acids.

Here’s a little video from previous smack downs. All pieces are performed by Invoke Sound. Enjoy!