Well Balanced

That’s the goal right? To regain and maintain balance in your life. To be well rounded. Fair, equal composed.. sane. Well these waffles turned out to be a recipe for all of that. Pumpkin Maple Miso Waffles. They are sweet. They are salty and they have that full on comforting fall vibe. Maybe waffles and mental well being don’t feel analogous to you but personally I consider waffles to be one of my love languages and these here taste like love and sanity to me. Feeding myself well is my daily love letter to me. It tells my body that I love it and I want it to stick around. It says “Hey babe, you are welcome here. Sit with us and pass the maple syrup.” On top of being nutrient dense they have plenty of fiber, potassium, vitamin A and B6. Both pumpkin and miso are fiber rich. The sweetness comes naturally from the roasted pumpkin and maple syrup. The two pair famously and you get a little zinc boost from the maple syrup. Zinc is all over the news these days as the virus lingers and zinc is suddenly being widely recognized for its antiviral properties. It is zinc’s time to shine. The saltiness comes entirely from the miso, my favorite fermented condiment that doesn’t find its way into my breakfast often enough. So without further ado… here’s the recipe.

Day 261: Pumpkin Maple Miso waffles topped with butter, pears, pumpkin seeds and maple syrup.

• 1 1⁄2 cups  all purpose flour

• 3 teaspoons  baking powder

• 1⁄2 teaspoon baking soda

• 1 Tbsp miso

• 2 Tspn maple syrup

• 2 eggs

• 1/4 cup cane sugar (or alternative sugar)

• 1 cup pumpkin purée (canned or make your own)

• 1 2/3 cup almond milk (or whatever milk feels good for you, I would have used coconut milk if I hadn’t run out)

• 4 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled

Whisk all your dry ingredients, whisk all your wet ingredients and then combine them. I made 11 large waffles with this recipe. Dropping a 1/3 of batter into the waffle iron at a time. I ate two, threw a few to the neighbors and then froze the rest for future toaster waffle bliss. Highly recommended.
to make your own pumpkin puree simply chop your pumpkin in half, spoon out the seeds, drizzle with olive oil, roast at 325 for 30 or so minutes, until soft and golden. The kitchen will smell like pumpkin when it’s getting about time to pull them. Cool for a bit, chop it down to fit in your food processor to blend. I added a little coconut oil as I was blending it down to smooth it out and help the purée move in the processor. Just eye ball it and add it slowly. The amount of oil you need will depend on how much pumpkin you have. Then.. voila! You’re ready to make breads, pies, waffles, soups, hummus, ravioli filling, the the possibilities are endless.

Hello

“There’s no pressing pause. You’ve just got to say goodbye all the time, but also say hello. You must remember to say hello.” ”

— Helena Bonham Carter

This quote has been on my mind the past few weeks. As a longtime fan of the pause button (and the mute button) her words keep hitting me on a lot of different levels. I hear, be present. Be fully in the moment, every moment, one after the other. I hear, don’t be afraid to let things go and trust what is next. It has been on my mind lately because my circle of friends has changed a lot over the past few years. Since I started questioning my drinking. Since I started shifting.. and then more so once I fully got sober. I guess it happened naturally. Some relationships drifted gradually with time, others disappeared the moment I closed my tab. As if quitting drinking wasn’t sobering enough.. the absence of these connections mixed with all the solo time 2020 brings has certainly driven the point home. I guess maybe I had not realized I was saying goodbye in some of those situations or that the trend would continue. I have really missed some of those people but I have been and continue to grow a lot in accepting the distance between us. That said, I haven’t been so good about saying hello. Luckily I have had this quote stuck in my head to remind me. Instead of blogging this morning I roasted a pumpkin and picked up where I left off with an old pen pal while it was in the oven. A letter that lifted my spirits and was long over due on many levels. If you are new to sobriety and wondering where your people are I hope you have the strength to skip the pause button and the good sense to start saying hello a little sooner than I have because the moments to do so show up,
all the time.

Day 260: Kimchi, pears, blueberries, sunflower sprouts, Udo’s Omega 3*6*9 oil, hemp hearts and chia seeds. I think kimchi can easily go with any fruit although, maybe not bananas. I don’t feel compelled to try it.. yet.

Testing the limits of my own sanity.

Yesterday I woke up and decided to pull the trigger on a home project I’ve been thinking about for months. An effort to de-clutter with a large shelving unit. I am sentimental and have a lot of knick-knakery, souvenirs and forget-me-nots. I am not hoarding but no one could call me a minimalist. I am proud to say that I have gotten rid of a lot of things over the years. The things I can not imagine saying goodbye to I want on display. So I made a mega smoothie and suckered my favorite neighbor into taking me to ikea so we could load everything into his truck. My fiat is good for a coffee run but not much else. Arriving back at home with all the things to make my organizational dreams come true, I felt excited, optimistic even. Over the following 18 hours I managed to have every other feeling under the sun. Confused, accomplished, angry, delusional, afraid (of being crushed by Scandinavian furniture), blissed out, amused, curious, defeated, determined, stressed, cheated, content, offended and ultimately relieved. I also laughed a lot.. The irony of choosing to embark on IKEA furniture assembly, alone on the heels of World Mental Health Day. It was as if I wanted to test the limits of my own sanity. Funny how the combination of following simple instructions and gravity can result in a lot of self reflection and humility. It gave me opportunity to name my feelings as they rolled through, as someone who grew up in a house where everyone is “fine” I find this to be helpful. I was also given the opportunity to practice something I preach which is to ask for help. It has literally never killed me to do so yet I still resist.. sigh. So here it is, nearly 24 hours later. The shelves are standing and I am feeling very capable and amazazing. Now.. let the organization begin!

Day 258 (Sunday): rad smoothie with banana, blueberries, pomegranate, spinach, kale, chard, cashews, walnuts, pecans, flax, wheatgrass, ashwagandha, tulsi, chaga and coconut water.

Day 259: Potato, egg, cheese and extra cilantro taco from the joint next door. I woke up needing to finish the assembly. It was that or leave and never return. So I exercised my ability to ask for help and got a damn taco. Huzzah!

World Mental Health Day

I am not sure I have ever intentionally celebrated mental health day before. I do what I can to make it the part of any and every day. I find it interesting though that it falls on 10/10. As far as numbers go 1010 generally comes with a message of spiritual awakening, personal growth, a reminder to pay attention to your thoughts and to trust the path. Perhaps it’s placement on the calendar is intentional. I dunno. Last night I was speaking with a friend about anxiety, something that has plagued much of my life. The conversation turned to how it creates so much distance between you and the people you really want to connect with. How it actually makes us unavailable for true relating and once it has you all alone it hands you over to depression. You never find yourself in the moment. I thought I would share the ways I have managed my anxiety and depression in sobriety.

• Eating lots of seasonal fruits and vegetables. This keeps me feeling grounded and nourished. Plus it sends the message to my body that I care. That I am here and loved.

• Quitting coffee and getting on the Tea. this one hurt. Not going to lie. Caffeine triggers my anxiety though. So, we’re done. Herbal teas have a wider array of benefits anyway. They can help me stay calm, step up, cleanse, focus, create, balance my hormones, the list goes on. For more on teas check out this earlier post.

• Journaling regularly, not just the wins or the total losses. All the in between. As a recovering extremist this has been important for me.

• Exercise - endorphins rule.

• Getting outside - nature is a good reminder that I am beautifully insignificant and merely a part of something so big I will never fully understand it. Farm bathing is most helpful.

• Art.. a chance to express my feelings, my state of mind and to externalize my inner world.

• Gratitude - I keep a growing list of things I am grateful for posted next to the mirror in my bathroom and I read over it while I brush my teeth.

• Good company. I don’t spend time with people who communicate poorly and make me wonder how they feel about me.

• House plants - I live alone and I talk to them a lot. They have proven to be therapy plants at times. We get to watch each other grow. It’s awesome.

• Sweeping and smudging. I wake up, open the windows and my front door and sweep. Everything goes out the door. The sound is soothing. Then I smudge with some sage. It’s a little ritual to freshen up and clear any negative energy.

• Organization. Keeping things in their place keeps me from scrambling, from feeling like I may not have what I need. It helps me feel relaxed and safe.

• Therapy. Classic. I really love therapy. I want everyone to go. I often joke with my family that therapy is what everyone is getting for Christmas. Real talk: if I had more money that wouldn’t be a joke. Just sayin’.

I hope you found something helpful in here and if there is something that you do to manage your mental health that you would like to share please do so in the comments below. You never know who needs to hear what you have to say.

Day 257: Sautéed Kale, sweet potato, okra, scallions, cabbage, bell pepper, and fresh pasilla peppers with parm and a soft boiled egg.

Mad, bro?

Once upon a time, in an invincible hangover far away… Friday’s made me mad. I know. How? Well, I worked in a restaurant. One where I felt so sincerely undervalued. Our busiest time of the week kicked off on Friday and I was mad about it. I felt the whole world sigh with relief at 4:45pm and then they came for us. They’re were gonna party and we were going to sweat and be poorly compensated for it. First it was happy hour and then dinner service marched on until midnight or so. That’s when the cleaning started. Yuck. We would be spent, I would never get the smell of everyone else’s dinner out of my hair and I couldn’t wait to clock out and run to the bar to drink as much as possible before last call. Which usually meant as many rounds of shots we could convince a bartender to serve us in a 45 minute window. Then it was time to pay up and head home alone only to wake up feeling like trash and do it again. Weekends sucked and yeah it was my own fault but … I was mad about it. That anger became a completely normal way to exist and it was exhausting. It was wore me down and effected my health. Later I would come to learn that anger is an emotion associated with the liver. At the time my liver and my heart were the butt of many self deprecating jokes. My poor liver. Between being laughed at and forced to work overtime due to my binge drinking it had every right to be mad. This kind of aggravation, fury and lingering rage can be hard to own up to. When asked if I was mad I would get defensive, then full on angry and deny everything. So, self abandonment mixed on many levels, resulting in lots of anger.. this combo can cause us to drink more. Hoping it will help us relax or to subconsciously provide us an avenue to express our anger and an excuse for it too. It is a viscous cycle that never helps us heal the underlying cause and on top of that - experiencing these emotions with any regularity can further damage our liver. Are you mad, bro? Going sober can help cool you off, obviously but what we eat can help too. Your liver really likes green things. Sprouts, avocados, cabbage and peas. Zucchini, alfalfa, bell pepper and mung beans. You might get tired of hearing it but.. processed emotions and unprocessed food. That’s the recipe, man. You can start on the inside or the outside but either way both things will have to addressed. Talk to someone about how you feel AND switch up your diet. Or if you feel overwhelmed start with your diet and see if that helps you to be vulnerable and open about what has you pissed off. Eating this way, with mindful intention, let’s your body know that you’re not abandoning yourself anymore. That you care and are available to face your feelings.

Day 256: Wondershowzen! Bananas, spinach, hemp protein, almond butter and rice milk. I like to treat myself once a week with a smoothie. It’s green, it’s delicious and I don’t have to do dishes.
…. Jesus. What’s up with the rhyming today? Have y’all noticed this? I am almost afraid I’ll burst into song later. Oh well. Not mad about it.

Feels

Breaking up with booze was something I personally had to do to discover how I was actually feeling. Physically and emotionally. Between hangovers, drunken misunderstandings, taxed relationships, bar food, skipping meals and getting shitty sleep on the reg I felt not so great.. Not so effing great at all. Angry, depressed, dehydrated, anxious, misunderstood, lonely, bloated, exhausted, broke, confused, lost, you name it… I had all the feels and I didn’t want to deal with any of them. Taking booze out of the equation made a noticeable difference but I still felt a lot of these things, maybe just to lesser degrees or perhaps sobriety made them feel less intense. Probably a bit of both, who’s to say? What I do know is that once I started paying attention to what I was eating things really started to shift. Eating real, easily pronounceable, unprocessed food made my guts happier and my mood lifted too. I was less bloated. I was less anxious. I started to want to move my body, like for fun. But better yet I began to feel available to and curious about some of my negative emotions.. the things that had me drinking in the first place. It is interesting how as my physical digestion improved so did my ability to process all my long ignored emotional stuff. To anyone out there who is new to sobriety and not quite feeling all those benefits everyone talks about just yet, I invite you to be patient with yourself and take a look at what is on your plate. Physically and emotionally.

Day 255: Oat groats cooked in coconut milk with butternut squash and Granny Smith apples sautéed in coconut oil, cinnamon, turmeric and ginger. Topped off with a lil maple syrup (for sweetness and zinc), hemp hearts, chia seeds and pomegranate arils. I could have eaten this all day! So comforting. It had a real tropical mountain cabin vibe. As someone who almost always wants things both ways I am about it. The earthiness of the turmeric works well with the sweet squash and tart apples. They all just get in line together. Plus turmeric is amazazing for you. It is super well know for its anti-inflammatory properties and if anything makes you inflamed it’s alcohol. So this is something I highly recommend in recovery. It’s easy enough work into your diet. Tea, golden milk, a paste that can be added to anything. Soups, sauces, oats, granola bars, chia pudding, lemonade.. go nuts!

#WCW

Today I want to honor Vasavi Kumar. A woman I met during my stint as a chef in a recovery center here in Austin. She was a client and the only vegetarian in the house for a solid month. I really enjoyed getting to make something special on the side for her. It was an opportunity to be a little more creative. I got to know Vas the same way I got to know everyone else, in the kitchen around the island, having coffee, eating dinner and grabbing snacks. She had a lot of energy and we got into lively conversations about Spirituality, Ayurveda, the gift of knowing your dosha and eating accordingly, and our shared love of mushrooms (while other clients complained, made puke sounds and scooted them off of their plate). The house got a little quieter after she finished her program and I missed the conversation and having a vegetarian to cook for. Once clients leave you rarely know what becomes of them, unless they return for treatment but, I ran into Vasavi on Instagram and saw that she was doing amazazing! She was not only thriving in sobriety but she was kicking ass and taking names with her new coaching business and podcast. We caught up on the phone and picked up right where we left off. Later when I was looking for a business coach I knew where to go. When it comes to any kind of coaching you want to feel a connection. You want to know that you and your goals will feel seen and heard. I knew Vasavi could help me see the path to my goals and support me as I walked it. This relationship is special to me. We have had similar struggles but we are both highly ambitious and in the time we have known each other we have used our personal strengths and passions to help lift each other up. Vasavi recently sent me a picture of her breakfast (which you cans see in my Instagram stories) and it was gorgeous! Looking at the photo I remembered her first breakfast at the house and in thinking about how far we’ve both come since that day I knew I wanted to write about her. She has definitely inspired me on my own recovery journey and I am grateful to have been a part of hers. Check out her amazing community and if you want some business coaching of your own she is doing another Hit Publish Mastermind soon. And definitely tune into her podcast, Being Human with Vasavi. It’s in my regular rotation these days and I highly recommend it.

Day 254: A gentle turmeric broth with wilted greens. I woke up wanting something loving and warm. Luckily, I always have homemade broth in the fridge. Today I warmed some up with a table spoon of golden paste and a fistful of greens. Healthy, healing and so very comforting. Next time I think I’ll blend it though. Anyway, more on golden paste mañana.

Transformations..

A new friend asked me recently “What’s your deal with eggs? Why Naked and Eggs?” I guess it does need clarifying.. I will say that the naked part has lead to loads of basic DM’s from dudes who complain about how I am never naked. I am of course 100% okay with disappointing them. However, I do wish it were taken less literally and was read as emotionally vulnerable. The name came from a time when I was living alone, broke, drinking and struggling a lot. It was a dark time. I wanted to start a blog and attempt to be open about what was going on in my life. In a way that I could not seem to pull off face to face with another person. AND it just so happened that at the time I was often naked around the house. Not in some sexy lounge-y sort of fashion but in an “I’m depressed, why get dressed” kind of vibe. As you can imagine, if throwing on a robe was taxing I definitely was not cooking myself anything substantial but I found that throwing an egg on anything made it a “meal”. So Naked and Eggs.. it just summed up my lifestyle at the time. When I bought the url and started writing I found myself making light of the mess I was in and therefore didn’t post a lot of what I wrote or with any regularity whatsoever. It was maybe funny but it certainly was not authentic. This could have easily become a lifestyle blog for snarky, drunk depressives. A place to commiserate over toxic relationship, share hangover cures as a form of self care and superficial spiritual inspiration with the occasional nihilistic rant thrown in. I am grateful that the hangovers kept me from writing with any consistency.. I was in such an unhealthy place in every aspect of my life and honestly… any level of readership would have only encouraged me to stay there. I am however very glad that I already had a blog set up when I was finally ready to open up, to shift, to start eating better and taking care of myself. I would have never guessed that it would transform into this. Funny enough, during quarantine it provided me with a reason to get dressed.

Day 253: Roasted sweet potato with kimchi, yogurt, sunflower sprouts and bloobs. I eat a lot of sweet potatoes.. a thing I once upon a time truly hated. It didn’t help that when I was introduced to them they were covered in marshmallows and drowning in butter. As if to say they weren’t sweet enough on their own. I do believe that traditional preparation is well, rude. These days I like to pair them with something tangy, spicy or herby to set off that sweetness. Sweet potato curry or smashed sweet potatoes with roasted garlic and ghee.. sweet potato hash with serranos and bitter greens. I just love the contrast.

What is new and good?

It is the first Monday of the Sober October challenge and I know we do a lot of celebrating over the weekend for being hangover free but honestly, not being hungover on a Monday is even better. There are things to be done and with zero hangover we can be fully present and energized for them. Huzzah! So for those of you new to the blog, I like to start off each week with a little awareness of what is new and good in the world. So let’s dig in!

1. Fall produce is starting to come in! This is one of my favorite seasons for food. And I may have said this before about other seasons but maybe I had heat stroke, it is Texas after all. Fall wins. Fall has your back when it comes to those sugar cravings we’ve been talking about. There are a lot of solutions being harvested right now. Butternut squash, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, pears, pomegranate!! I mean c’mon. Even some caramelized Brussels sprouts could scratch that itch. It’s a sweet time of year. Recipes and inspiration to come!
   

2. More sweet news… Bees are bouncing back! Recent data from the Department of Agriculture show that some states are experiencing growths in colony numbers of 70% or more. Good news for the planet and you’re sweet tooth. Honey will still spike your blood sugar but it is healthier than traditional refined sugar. Full of antioxidants and if you buy local it can help you manage seasonal allergies.
   

3. A paper just came out on the topic of empathic response in binge drinkers compared to non-binge drinkers. I was thrilled by the idea that anyone would even think to research such a thing and the results were amazing but as a retired binge drinker myself, not surprising. The study that showed binge-drinkers' brains have to put more effort into trying to feel empathy for other people in pain. In other words, under certain circumstances when resources become limited, binge drinkers may struggle to engage in an empathic response to others. If that’s not a reason to stay sober I don’t know what is.
   

Day 252: Full fat Greek yogurt, nutty grain free granola made with maple syrup (for a little zinc), kiwi, apple and bloobs. I snacked on the rest of the fruit while I plated this up. Simple. Delicious. All the colors.

“I’m not annoying, you’re annoying.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, one of the most satisfying jobs I ever had was working as a chef in a private recovery center. It was magic watching color come back to the faces of our clients, to watch life rise back into their eyes. The kitchen was a common area in the center of the house so I got to know everyone who came through pretty well. I saw them at their highs and lows, met their families and.. I got to see what they ate through out the day. This is where sugar became my nemesis on a whole new level. When people would come in hunting for something sweet or to grab that 5th cup of coffee and spoon a weeks worth of sugar into it they would usually give me a pretty cutting side eye. Expecting ridicule for their choices. I tried to head them off at the pass by putting out elaborate fruit trays to distract them from the endless supply of candle like coffee beverages and cookies the kitchen manager ordered. I also started saying things that I never imagined I would say, such as “you don’t need all that sugar, you’re sweet enough.” And they would look at me with disgust before their eyes rolled dangerously around to the back of their head. I was annoying and it was on purpose. It was retaliation. Those people didn’t realize it but as each hour of the day passed, with every additional cookie consumed their behavior got a little closer to intolerable. I say this with all the care in the world. I wasn’t there for the money, I wanted to care for and help these people but, they were often very annoying and then, we ere annoying together. You get what you give as they say. So here are some things I started doing to keep things chill around the rehab.

1. Fruit.. at breakfast, lunch and dinner I made sure fruit was easily accessible and visually enticing. You don’t have to deprive yourself of something sweet, just give yourself better options.
   

2. Flavored water. I kept a big carafe of water with a selection of fruit and herbs on the counter at all times. Pears, blueberries and rosemary, cucumbers and mint, peaches, ginger and lemon. It was different every day depending on what we had. People loved it and I noticed the community drank more water.
   

3. Natural Vitality CALM: Now, this stuff is magic. It is powdered magnesium citrate and it lives up to its name. It regulates glucose, insulin and everyone’s favorite neurotransmitter - dopamine. Guess what manifests as mega intense sugar cravings… a magnesium deficiency!
   If you are a chocoholic- this stuff is for you. Take it twice a day with water (I’d recommend taking it before bed) and watch your cravings dwindle over time. I brought this stuff into the kitchen on my own dime and we would go through a bottle in a day.. that wasn’t financailly sustainable for me but it was highly effective while it lasted and it is something I always have in my personal pantry. Give it a shot, it comes in many flavors. You’re going to dig it.
   

Day 251: Sautéed kale, spinach and chard with roasted cauliflower scallions and lemon, topped with sunflower sprouts and a soft boiled egg.

450 Days Sober

Four hundred and fifty-one days ago I woke up in New Orleans hungover. We had been out the night before eating all the lux things and tying one on. My hangover wasn’t the worst I ever experienced but my clarity was gone and that fucking hurt. Before this trip I had been sober for nearly a year. I had just quit a job that didn’t appreciate me and I was in a relationship with someone who treated me like an option.. The perfect relapse recipe. That was it for me though. I wanted the clarity and the energy back. I could feel what I had lost with just a little drinking and I never wanted to feel that way again. So today we celebrate! I busted out my juicer, popped open some sparkling water kefir and toasted myself! If you are unfamiliar with water kefir allow me to introduce you to a highly nutritious and festive ingredient of my sobriety. It is full of probiotics, B1, B6 & B9. These are vitamins that most of us who have been drinking are missing out on. These vitamins make new cels (skin cels, blood cels, brain cels) and help the body convert food into energy. If you are going sober and attempting to recreate your life, you will need to be able to regenerate, physically, emotionally and spiritually. With the boost in energy you get from these oh so necessary vitamins it will be far less challenging. Kefir is a festive way to get these results. I get mine from Austin Kefir Microbrewery. It is what I take to parties now.. well, if there were still parties to go to. One day.

Day 250 (breakfast that is): Ha, I just realized that 200 days after I got sober I started this breakfast challenge! I love that! Anyway.. juiced apple, beet, carrot and ginger. Topped off with kefir and garnished with fresh pomegranate seeds (arils) and bloobs. It’s like a fizzy supernatural bubble tea and I am way into it!

Sugar Cravings Tip #1

I fell into a news k-hole yesterday morning. It did not feel great. So instead of writing I used that time do a little extra yoga to ring all the talking heads out of my head. Not that I need to explain myself to anyone.. but I did. It is a bad habit and I am working on breaking it. Baby steps, baby. It is something we do to avoid being judged. I don’t think it is very effective though. We mostly just end up devaluing the point when we do this.. bummer. But listen up! I wanted to share a little something that has worked for me when it comes to fighting sugar cravings. Ready?.. it might surprise you but my top tip is having a good breakfast. I know. I am breakfast obsessed but check it out. Breakfast sets the tone. What you eat in the morning helps set your metabolism for the rest of the day.  If you start the day with refined carbohydrates or even whole grains you start your body on a carbohydrate burning cycle that will make you crave carbohydrates throughout the day.  So, start your day with some high quality fat and protein. Eggs, nut butters, avocados, protein powder smoothies (just make sure they don’t have any refined sugar). Morning is the best time to consume heavier proteins as well because our hydrochloric acid levels are highest in the morning. Get creative  Have dinner for breakfast.  I have dinner leftovers for breakfast all the time. Soup, leftover veggies turned into fritters, stir fries, fried rice or quinoa.  You could even have beans, maybe a little hummus on toast, or add a dab to your very own hot salad, yeah?  Try flip flopping dinner and breakfast, see how you feel. We all have biodiversity but I am willing to bet that your energy levels will be higher and you will reaching for sugar less. try cooking your breakfast with ghee or coconut oil for those good fats. I go through a lot of coconut oil here at Casa Rue. I put it in my smoothies, salad dressings and sautés. Get you some. I try to always buy a coconut oil that comes in a glass jar. Why? I don’t want a product that has been soaking in plastic. It can disrupt your hormones.. but more on that another day. Some of you are saying “but I am not very hungry in the morning..” and I feel that. Try it though. Your eating schedule can shift too. I started this blog and 365 days of breakfast because I didn’t want to eat breakfast but I knew I felt better when I did. So I created some accountability around it.

Day 249: Hot salad! Kale, chard and spinach with scallion, carrots, red cabbage and garlic sautéed in ghee (instead of coconut oil) with some full fat yogurt, beet kimchi (made by Ryan at F-stop Farm, it is soo good), some sunflower sprouts, full fat yogurt, a seven minute egg and garnished with some roasted spaghetti squash and cantaloupe seeds. Sounds fancy but I just save the seeds during prep and roast them off for future snacking. That way nothing gets wasted and they are full of nutrients.

Epiphany

I sat down to write my sobriety story to share with those who are starting the Sober October challenge today and honestly.. it was was just too damn long. Reading over my rambling I had an epiphany though. I saw my story in a totally new light. My recovery journey did not start when I quit drinking. I have been trying to heal myself for the past 25 years. Drinking and drugging was just part of the journey. A complicated, painful, and ultimately very unsuccessful attempt at feeling better.. being happy. I was using the wrong tools. Seeing it this way now, I feel like I can let go of any residual shame about that time. So whether this is your first attempt or your 50th be patient with yourself and take a moment to see it as the message of self love that kind of effort really is.
Stick with around too. You don’t have to do this shit alone. I tend to isolate. So I am saying that to whoever is reading this as much as I am saying it to myself. There is infinite potential when we all work together. On that note.. this felt like a pretty deep share. For the rest of the week we’re talking food! For starters we will dig into managing anxiety and sugar cravings. See you tomorrow. - B

Day 248: Golden Oats. Oat groats, coconut milk, h20, turmeric, cinnamon, dates, cardamom, ginger, coconut oil, pink salt+ bloobs, sunflower and pumpkin seeds and a little Greek yogurt.
Grounding, anti-inflammatory, delicious.

#WCW

This week my #wcw goes out to my Thrive Guide Collective! An amazing group of women I met online who invited me to celebrate Sober October with them! It’s funny, I’ve been asking the universe to bring me some more sober friends and voila.. they appeared! I have learned in sobriety that we attract what we are and that my friends, is magic! The internet has connected me with so many amazing folks in sobriety. It has blown my mind. They have shown me how to be vulnerable, how to ask for help when I need it and most importantly that change is possible. Each of us will be sharing our experience, wisdom, wellness and sobriety tips to support anyone who wants to drop the drink this month. It kicks off tomorrow and I am stoked! Who is in?

Day 247: Sweet Potato, sautéed kale and spinach with Greek yogurt, pomegranate seeds (aka arils), hemp hearts and chia. So pretty, filling and nourishing. Pomegranate is one of the healthiest foods on earth and awesome for those in recovery for many reasons.

1. They are sweet and will satisfy sugar cravings with a side of fiber which helps clear toxins from our bodies.

2. In recovery our systems are often inflamed from all the alcohol and pomegranate has no tolerance for inflammation. Studies show that they can reduce inflammatory activity in the digestive tract and in breast cancer cells. Impressed yet?

3. They are also antioxidant rich! Containing THREE TIMES the antioxidant activity of red wine AND green tea.

4. It can fight Candida - the most common cause of fungal infections in humans which is often exacerbated by alcohol intake. Candida represents itself in a lot of unpleasant ways. Oral thrush, yeast infections, urinary tract infections, sinus infections, digestive issues, athletes foot, fatigue and joint pain. Pomegranates anti-bacterial and anti-fungal effects can also protect against infections and inflammation in your mouth, such as gingivitis.

In short, get you some. Whether you get them whole, juiced or in powder form your body will be into it. Cross my heart! Oh that reminds me, they also lower your risk of heart disease. Huzzah!

Sing-le

Sober October is approaching and I sat down to write about all the amazazing benefits of not drinking (in order to entice anyone on the fence about participating) and there are so many. I was having a little trouble figuring out where to start. Getting great sleep, knowing where your keys are and saving loads of money are all good and maybe obvious benefits but there has been one shift that I did not expect that I wanted to share. In my sobriety I have come to really love being single. I was thinking about it last night before I went to bed and I was dancing about it when I woke up this morning. I just love it! This has been a nearly miraculous turn of events. I went out drinking mostly because I did not want to be alone and as the song goes I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I believe I knew that at the time but I would never had said it. I was lonely, 100%. I thought things would change, that I would change when I met the right person. The story in my head was that me and this perfect partner would bump into each other at a bar, commiserate over a few rounds, realize we were not only made for each other but that we were made for more. We would probably forget to pay our tab as we walked out hand in hand. Setting off into the sunset (er.. sunrise?) to collectively get our shit together. Dreamy, right? *Cringe* I was looking for “the one” in all the local dives when little did I know I would have found her sooner if I had just gone home. I am grateful to be here now, taking up the whole bed, being my very own ride or die, hangover free, healthier, wealthier and happier than I have ever been. Enthusiastically single might just be my favorite sobriety side effect. More on this to come. During Sober October we are going to be talking about all the ways not drinking can make you fall in love with yourself in new and profound ways.

Day 246: Hash and a poached egg. Sweet potatoes, purple cabbage, green onions, garlic, apple and… bacon! This is the first time I have eaten bacon since I started my 365 days of breakfast project. Not that I don’t like it but it just isn’t something I think of that often honestly. T’was good though! I opted for a sugarless bacon because well, I am sweet enough.

What is new and good..

It is a new week, complete with new levels of uncertainty. The political climate continues to worry, frustrate and… scare me. I read once (where I am unsure) that the quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with. The thing that is new and good around here this week is that I have finally embraced the uncertainty. Accepting that not only is it here but that it has always been here. This is currently bringing me a lot of peace. This is not submission. This is allowing curiosity to take the wheel. This is facing my control issues. This is unclenching my jaw. It feels good.

What is new and good in your world? How are you handling these uncertain times?

Day 245: Warm Golden broth with sweet potato, collard greens and scallions with ginger, turmeric, cinnamon and black. Topped with a little coconut oil and a splash of apple cider vinegar.

Sanctuary

I think Sunday’s are going to become computer free days. An act of self care.. a day to day revel in the sanctuary of what and who is around me. After a small snacky breakfast I caught up with an old friend who just moved into some new digs. We walked around the property and talked about where a garden should go, the possibility of a hammock forest and the luxury that is privacy. Before I left he gifted me this amazing drawing he did based on a photo I took years ago while we were nosing around in an abandoned house. I love the colors, all the negative space and that the context has been removed. It’s easy to view it as the branches reaching outside of the window but the original photo was taken inside. The plants are welcoming themselves inside. A natural reclaiming of the property. It’s a beautiful metaphor no matter which way you see the image and I am touched that he pulled this out of his sketch books for me.

Day 244: Peanut butter, hemp hearts, honey crisp apple and of course, bloobs.

Farm Bathing

In Japan, they practice something called forest bathing aka shinrin-yoku. Shinrin meaning “forest,” and yoku meaning “bath.” It is not hiking. There is no jogging. It is just simply soaking in the atmosphere. The sights, the smells, the sounds. Opening up the senses and grounding the nervous system. I started seeing articles about forest bathing a few years ago. It is 100% the kind of therapy I would like to incorporate into my life. So… I started doing this at the farm once a week. I don’t walk up and immediately start shopping. I take 30 minutes or so to just wander, sometimes with my camera. I get entranced by the bees, marvel at the seedlings that just breaking ground or just sit and watch everything grow. I watch the clouds cruise by over head and breathe deep. Plants have aromatic compounds called phytoncides that can increase the number of natural killer cells in the body. These are the white blood cells that support the immune system and are linked to a lower risk of cancer. They are also believed to be important in fighting infections and inflammation, which we now know cause disease. It may not be a forest but I doubt the benefits are any less. I want to make Farm Bathing a thing. Who’s in? If you are in Austin there are several spots to choose from but there are options all over. Check out this handy dandy map to find one near you.

Day 243: Fresh croissant I picked up at the farm stand with spicy mustard, cream cheese, smoked salmon, farm fresh cucumbers and avocado. A croissant on a Saturday seems to be nearly a new ritual for me. They’re just too satisfying to pass up. Everyone needs a little indulgence, I guess for now this is mine.

Everybody has a body to love

Happy Friday, Friends! I was dancing around this morning thinking how strange it is to have a body. A strange and lovely responsibility.. one that I took for granted for far too long. I have talked about how when I began practicing yoga it was more about vanity than sanity. Who is to say how long it went on that way but in recovery yoga has saved my a** (and maybe lifted it a little too), mostly by sparking my appetite. I was underweight, had no energy or muscle tone. I had no physical foundation or authority and no desire to eat more than once a day. That changed when I started doing yoga in the morning again. I could not pass on breakfast. There was no waiting until late in the afternoon to finally make a meal happen. I was officially hungry and that got me fully engaged in my life and in touch with myself again. It gave me the energy and desire to care for myself in new ways. If you can relate, I implore you to roll out your mat take some deep breaths, show your body some love and wake up your appetite! The poses lengthen and strengthen, flex and extend many of the main muscles of the body, distributing prana (your life-force energy) throughout the system. Guts included. The lunges and forward and backward bending poses especially stimulate the stomach, spleen and liver meridians. And who in recovery can say the don’t like things that are stimulating? It doesn’t take much. Ten to fifteen minutes a day will have you sharpening your fork, shining your spoon and being more mindful about what you choose to eat. Cross my heart.

Day 242: Quinoa cooked in coconut milk with ginger, sweet potato and bloobs. I was kind of disappointed to wake up and realize that it is time to make a grocery run but this simple bowl was really comforting. The quinoa was already cooked, leftover from the other night. I just covered it with coconut milk and a few slices of ginger to steep. Threw in half of a leftover roasted sweet potato and the last of my blueberries and let it warm through.  Some fiber, protein, antioxidants, vitamin. So good.

Throwback: Bar hopping

I ran into a neighbor this morning on my way out the door and in wrapping up our conversation so I could get to work I said “I gotta get to the bar.” Deja vu… The sentence felt odd coming out of my mouth. Simply because I rarely need to be anywhere other than home and the last place I would rush off to is the bar. It was true though. A few days a week I work at The Herb Bar, a medicinal herb shop in south Austin. We have over 100 herbs, all things metaphysical, house made synergies and tons of reference material. It’s a healing space and I am grateful to be a part of it. Once upon a time though I worked as a bartender in a little beer and shots dive that had a totally different vibe. A wall of tequilas, lots of local IPA’s on tap and a pretty rad jukebox box, though it mostly played sad songs. It was aptly named The Hard Luck. My memory from that time is blurry at best. I do recall being pretty jaded, very drunk, often mean and surely hangry. I drank my meals back then. Weirdly enough the meaner I was the more money I made. I did not need the encouragement. I became known for being sharp, cutting, dry, scathing even. My boss regularly joked that he was going to publish a coffee table book called “The shit that Bonnie says”.. I am happy to report that this never came to be. We can all take on a little bit of a persona at work. I mean, that’s what office casual is, right? An act? Unfortunately my work demeanor started to become less of an act and more my constant state of being. Notice I did not say well-being.. My drinking really ramped up while I was there. I found it nearly impossible to work my shifts without drinking. I could not small talk with customers when I wasn’t a bit tipsy and it was that kind of place. Cozy, lots of regulars. Lots of chit chat. I remember one night a customer was bending my ear and in realizing that he wasn’t leaving anytime soon I poured myself a drink. He commented on it, negatively and I said with a smile “why don’t you just pretend I am not here, that’s what I am doing.” Ouch. He laughed so hard and kept that barstool warm until last call. I also remember thinking that a lot of the people I served (and cut off) needed to lay off the sauce. Hilariously hypocritical of me in retrospect. Being as introverted as I am I would have to be drunk to think working in a bar would suit me. During the busier shifts I drank to manage my social anxiety. Although I was not self aware enough at the time to know that is what was happening. That perspective would come through later. I drank when I wasn’t working to manage the depression that came from working at night, being hungover during the day and never really seeing the sun. I drank to connect with people and to soothe a broken heart. The drinking only further ensured both. Turns out that you can meet an endless number of emotionally unavailable men at the bar. Stunning, I know.. However I learned through my time with them that I was also emotionally unavailable. I just wore it a little differently. Connecting is tricky when you need to be drunk to be vulnerable. Looking back the worst thing about this time is seeing how hurt I truly was and how I was attempting to play it off as though I just liked to party. Abandoning myself. Avoiding the work it takes to heal. None of that goes down at the Herb Bar. People come in looking to actively cure whatever ails them. Whether they are struggling physically, emotionally or spiritually. In the old bar I helped people avoid their healing journey. At the herb bar I get to be part of the support system that helps them find their way. It is a gift to be around such vulnerability and self awareness. Being there keeps me aware of the importance of my own path and reminds me that we truly are the company we keep.

Day 241: Sautéed red cabbage, spinach, kale, scallions, shiitakes and cherry tomatoes with a little lemon, sunflower and pumpkin seeds with an egg on top, quinoa and bloobs on the side. It’s nice to get your greens in first thing. I need the iron and there is a good amount of it on this plate between the greens, the seeds and the quinoa. Adding lemon helps your body absorb it. Iron helps in the process of carrying oxygen from the lungs to the rest of your body. It also has a hand in hormone production, which is often out of whack when we have been over imbibing and can take some time to regulate. A hormone imbalance can show up as weight gain, weight loss, fatigue, dry skin, puffy face, constipation or the opposite, thinning or fine brittle hair, low libido, sweating, blurred vision, irregular periods… basically hormones can throw off everything. Other awesome sources of iron include: chickpeas, dark chocolate, broccoli, cashews, shellfish and red meat.