A lovely reminder..

I am not generally a rule person but I believe that one should always leave a note. It was something my parents did and it stuck with me. As I was working out this morning I came to see my tattoos as littles notes I have left for myself over the years. There are a few that really mean a lot me. Both lovely little reminders of who/ where I have been in this life. One of them I got in sobriety.. the other is from the beginning of my heaviest drinking. They usually live tucked away under my clothes but I thought I’d share them since their messages help me every day and well.. who doesn’t love a good tattoo? About 9 years ago my friend Larissa and I went down to get a “bro tat” (that thing where you and your bro have matching tattoos). The tattoo shop was conveniently stacked on top of our favorite bar. We got poked and then went downstairs to drink all the tequila. While I am done with tequila this tattoo lives forever on my chest - above my heart. A litter German autobahn sign that basically means ‘Drive what you got as fast as you can, just keep it on the road’ or as I like to say ‘shiny side up, rubber side down’. My life was chaotic and reckless at the time but I wasn’t miserable or questioning my drinking yet. I was only getting started. There are no regrets about getting this tattoo. I am still in love with it, it’s message and the woman I share it with. It serves as a daily reminder as to how far I’ve come and encourages me to keep going. Shiny side - rubber side down. The other is much larger and personal, so it’s placed on my ribs. The most tender place I could think of. It speaks to transformation, the beauty within it and protection. The ouroboros eating it’s own tail, the journey back to yourself.. Death, birth and resurrection. The thorny rose in full bloom reminds me that nothing is simply one thing. It is delicate and savage. Fragile and able to defend it’s self. The rose has good boundaries. No regrets with this one either - despite the fact that it hurt like hell. Ten out of ten - would do again.

Do you have any tattoos related to your sobriety?  Tell me everything!

Grateful

Breakfast #304.. A smoothie before the feast. Banana, kale, blueberries, pecans from the yard, chia, tulsi, rhodiola, ashwagandha, wheatgrass and chaga.

This is the first time I have spent a holiday alone. The last few years I have driven out to see my family with a giant salad that my cousins can not help but raise an eyebrow at. We eat, play bingo, then there’s brownies my mom made and a wide variety of pie. After a lot of hugs I take the long way home. Pulling over here and there to take pictures of the country side. Somewhere between the CDC guidelines and having had a busy week I just decided to stay in this year. Cook for myself, do some writing, take a long bike ride, a long bath and just enjoy the day. To be as thankful for this day as I am for any other. I have hosted Thanksgiving dinner in the past and felt rushed, timers going off, things getting cold, stuff not turning out how I had hoped. Ya know, getting uptight about food, trying to accommodate and impress everyone with my ability to Martha Stewart the day - therefore totally missing the point of gathering in the first place. There was a lot of wine consumed in the making of those meals. Wine that would give me a headache, make me argumentative and render me resentful of all the dishes that piled up. If I could go back in time and tap myself on the shoulder here is what I would say…

Babe, (yes - in this scenario I call myself Babe) you don’t need to impress anybody. It’s just a turkey. It’s just a fucking pie. It’s just a day. Get together more often to celebrate how grateful you are for this life, the people in it with you and all you have been blessed with. You will feel less pressure to make it perfect. Knock it off with the wine and let people help you with the dishes. The world does not need a drunk martyr. Also, that butternut squash tart is dope. It deserves more than one appearance a year.

Today I am grateful for the perspective. I am grateful to have a quiet day in my neighborhood. It’s not a new tradition but maybe something that happens today will inspire one I can share with people in the years to come. Wherever you are today and whoever you are spending it with - I hope you are feeling at home. I hope you are feeling all the love, all the gratitude and… I hope someone brought a salad. *wink*

Day 303: Miso & Turmeric broth with garlic, kale, lions mane and chestnut mushrooms from HiFi Mycology and a little kimchi floater from F-Stop Farm.

Day 302: Brown rice, wonky egg, avocado, kimchi from F-Stop Farm and a splash of Brags amino acids. I’ll be sad when this batch of kimchi is gone. It is ultra good,

Day 301: Apples stewed in turmeric, ginger, dates and golden raisins with coconut cream over steal cut oats. Topped off with sunflower and pumpkin seeds.