sober life

Choice

Some mornings I wake up & really miss the routine I had while keeping up with my little 365 days of breakfast project. It was 2020 & I was leaning into my first year of sobriety, feeling a little less raw each day - despite the pandemic & the seemingly new found level of uncertainty it presented us all with. In July I celebrated 3 years of sobriety. The uncertainty persists but somehow that feels ok, manageable. A round of applause for better daily practices, coping mechanisms & the absence of anxiety inducing booze. Anyhow, I was thinking this morning. Thinking about over thinking. Thinking about thinking vs. feeling. Thinking about what I can & can not control. As I worked through my yoga routine all the thoughts reduced down into the sweet little reminder that I often need. So I wanted to pop in to share it here…

I control what I think about.

It’s simple & maybe annoyingly obvious but I do not believe I am alone in regularly forgetting that there is a choice. Part of me wants to say is that all it takes is a little awareness but let’s be real - some days it takes a heroic dose of awareness.

Anyway - happy weekend. I hope it’s peaceful & fun. I hope you choose to think beautiful, creative, connective, constructive thoughts. May your moments of awareness outnumber the times when you forget the choice is yours.

B

For old times sake - breakfast today was coconut yogurt with maple chia pudding, strawberries, raspberries, bloobs, pecans, pumpkin seeds & cocao nibs. Protein, fiber, fat, flavor, color, fuel.

Bangs, coconut yogurt & maple chia pudding with raspberries, strawberries, bloobs, pecans, pumpkin seeds & cocao nibs.

Stability

Wake up.
Drink hot water.
Take cold shower.
Meditate.
Morning Pages.
Do yoga.
Eat.
Get dressed.
Go to work..

This is most mornings. When I do it differently the world doesn’t end but it does seem to wobble.
Routine/ Discipline has never come easy for me, but I’ve been experimenting with it for a while now and it does provide me a sense of stability that is quite comforting. A long time ago I read somewhere that people put a high value on novelty but what we really crave is stability. Makes sense.. in a world where nothing is certain, it feels good to have some sense of firm ground under your feet. Even if it’s an illusion. When it was posed to me though - the words made me scrunch up my nose and think “yuck” but these days I feel it is right on. Maybe my tune has changed because of sobriety. Maybe it is just that I am getting older.. or some combination of the two? Either way, I like it.

So I haven’t been here, updating this blog or online for much of anything beyond work, which has had my full attention lately. Staying logged out gives me more energy to focus on creative endeavors. Which, I added some new work here and opened a little etsy shop that I will be adding more things to. I do miss the energy, creativity and engagement I felt when I started this blog so I’m going to try working it into my routine on my days off.

I’m curious, what is your morning routine? How do you cultivate stability in your day to day? Have you tried cold showers? Because I didn’t want to buy into the hype (at all!) but I think it’s changing my life…

-B

P.S. Here is a digital piece I finished recently that visually sums up my mood these days.. let me know what you think in the comments below.

Paradise Found

Can we make Monday an official Sunday Pt II? I spend a lot of time thinking about how we create our reality & if this life can look like anything we want it to - I think that more Sunday action is at least worth considering. They’re just so good. Who’s in?

While Austin City Limits was at full tilt yesterday & the city was booming with people, I opted out. My introverted ass spent the day eating tacos in the park, walking my friend Jen’s dog while she had to work a double & putting together a puzzle. Just a few of my favorite things. I have always loved a puzzle but when I first got sober it was different. I was like “Bad ass! Something to keep me distracted & busy!” After a while though I started to find more zen & even some wisdom in it. Little reminders that it helps to shift my perspective when things feel impossible. The reality that hard things can also be quite fun. The over all understanding that I have everything I need right in front of me. All I ever have to do is focus. apply patience, allow it to come together & enjoy the process. Real talk though - the addict in me wanted to buy every damn puzzle I came across. Because if one is good all of them is the best, right? Rather than leaning into that desire and ultimately become the “weird puzzle lady” I have compromised by only allowing myself to buy food themed puzzles. Which thrills me to no end - obvs. The people at Piecework get me. They’ve got all the food puzzles AND they come with a soundtrack to do them to. There are no words for how happy this makes me. Trust me. I looked.

What little insights do you gain from your leisurely pursuits? I wanna know!

10.4.2021: Chia pudding with oat milk, lions mane, maple syrup, bloobs, pecans and cocao nibs.

Good for the guts, Good for the mind. Easy to prep ahead of time… and I guess we’re rhyming now. Yikes. Time to wrap it up.
xo - B

A lovely reminder..

DF86B7D4-2E2A-4321-A610-9BCE6D84ECD1_Facetune_05-03-2021-11-52-29.jpeg

I am not generally a rule person but I believe that one should always leave a note. It was something my parents did and it stuck with me. As I was working out this morning I came to see my tattoos as littles notes I have left for myself over the years. There are a few that really mean a lot me. Both lovely little reminders of who/ where I have been in this life. One of them I got in sobriety.. the other is from the beginning of my heaviest drinking. They usually live tucked away under my clothes but I thought I’d share them since their messages help me every day and well.. who doesn’t love a good tattoo? About 9 years ago my friend Larissa and I went down to get a “bro tat” (that thing where you and your bro have matching tattoos). The tattoo shop was conveniently stacked on top of our favorite bar. We got poked and then went downstairs to drink all the tequila. While I am done with tequila this tattoo lives forever on my chest - above my heart. A litter German autobahn sign that basically means ‘Drive what you got as fast as you can, just keep it on the road’ or as I like to say ‘shiny side up, rubber side down’. My life was chaotic and reckless at the time but I wasn’t miserable or questioning my drinking yet. I was only getting started. There are no regrets about getting this tattoo. I am still in love with it, it’s message and the woman I share it with. It serves as a daily reminder as to how far I’ve come and encourages me to keep going. Shiny side - rubber side down. The other is much larger and personal, so it’s placed on my ribs. The most tender place I could think of. It speaks to transformation, the beauty within it and protection. The ouroboros eating it’s own tail, the journey back to yourself.. Death, birth and resurrection. The thorny rose in full bloom reminds me that nothing is simply one thing. It is delicate and savage. Fragile and able to defend it’s self. The rose has good boundaries. No regrets with this one either - despite the fact that it hurt like hell. Ten out of ten - would do again.

Do you have any tattoos related to your sobriety?  Tell me everything!

4DF4FDC8-01C3-457B-B56C-963ADBDC8573_Facetune_05-03-2021-11-53-43.jpeg

1 year - No Coffee

IMG_9313.jpeg

A year ago today I gave up coffee! Gasp! It was the corner stone of my morning but one cup would turn me into a jumpy, blathery, mildly aggressive space case. Only later to feel exhausted. There were other signs that it was hurting more than it was helping. I had adrenal fatigue - which made me feel totally reliant on coffee to get me moving but I was just digging a hole. Wonder what adrenal fatigue looks like? Well, fatigue (duh), body aches, unexplained weight loss, wonky hormone levels, low blood pressure, lightheadedness and hair loss.. Yes, my hair was falling out. My eyebrows were disappearing too. Not great. On top of that I could not focus but I felt so much urgency to do so. Coffee is delicious but ultimately unsettling - for me. It is a drug and my nervous system does not dig it. C’est la vie. I’m not shit talking coffee here but I do have to say that I feel so much better without it and look! I have eyebrows! If any of these things sound familiar to you I want you to know that - just like booze - there is life after coffee and it’s pretty damn good. I realized that what I enjoyed mostly was the ritual, the warmth and the occasionally communal aspect of it. Very similar to the things I enjoyed about booze… The ritual was easy enough to replace. To get my energy up I just started exercising in the mornings. To meet the desire for a warm cup of something - I played around with a lot of different coffee substitutes. Rasa and Choffee are my favorites but right now I am really enjoying hot cocoa. I feel very engaged after I drink it and without any sense of tension or urgency plus it’s delicious. The cocoa powder itself is ultra dark and very grounding. Lately I have been adding a little Turkey Tail mushroom powder to it for bonus points. This one in particular has a lot of benefits - namely it’s immune boosting abilities and gut healing properties. In recovery our guts need some extra love. Our digestive tracts get drowned out with booze and this is where we become deficient and imbalanced. I recommend Turkey Tail to nearly all of my clients as a prebiotic to help wake things up and balance them out.

For those of you that are no fan of the mushroom I want to say that as a powder or tincture they can be added to your meals or beverages and go generally undetected. I promise that in this form they have a very subtle presence that is easily masked. So no need to be yucked out by the fungus amongst us. The benefits can still be yours! I add a teaspoon of Turkey Tail powder to my cocoa and it has a slight bitterness that I would say is comparable to coffee. I balance it out with a little sweetness.

Of course the way we choose to sweeten things can have an unsettling effect as well.. sugar also stresses the adrenal glands. Meaning more trouble for your hormones. Try maple syrup or dates for more rad earthy groundedness along with extra vitamins and minerals like potassium, calcium, b vitamins and magnesium (also found in cocoa) - remember, we talked about the importance and power of magnesium.

The simple act of giving something up that I loved has had some other positive effects. First off, saying no to things is often more fun and empowering than you think it will be. Secondly, not being reliant on an outside energy source is freeing AF. Thirdly (ugh what a strange word, right?), I get to try more things! Experience stuff I would not have otherwise. That is almost always a win.

So I’m curious - what is your relationship with coffee? Have you ever considered giving it up?

Zinc

IMG_7987.jpeg

Day 312: Waffles.. made with yogurt, chunks of bananas and a fair shake of cinnamon. Warm and crispy, ooey gooey but not exactly where I want them to be just yet. I’ll make them again soon and post a recipe. Topped with maple syrup, pecans, pumpkin seeds and bloobs. But you could put anything on them. I have been eating a lot of pumpkin seeds because well, they fit the season AND they are an inexpensive source of zinc, magnesium, fiber and protein. You have no doubt been hearing about the benefits of zinc in the news. Keep some around and put them on your salads, garnish your soup, waffles, oatmeal.. put them in your PB & J sandwiches, make pumpkin seed brittle, or use them to make a nut cheese… which has a regrettable name but is delicious none the less.

Next Level

Day 299: sautéed Kale, scallions, garlic and cherry tomatoes from my mother’s garden with a 6 minute egg.

Day 299: sautéed Kale, scallions, garlic and cherry tomatoes from my mother’s garden with a 6 minute egg.

This weekend a Berkey moved into my life. It’s kind of a big deal! This thing is the Rolls-Royce of water filters. I have wanted one for a long time and now.. I want for nothing! If you are unfamiliar with the berkey water system - allow me to familiarize you. It removes lead, mercury, chlorine, pharmaceuticals, pesticides, heavy metals and fluoride.. ya know - so I can drink water that is simply water. It will purify 6,000 gallons of water before I need to replace the filter. So convenient! Christmas came early this year - Huzzah! I am stoked and very happily hydrated. It’s funny... I have officially gone from being a girl who once handed a glass of water back to a bartender (after he refused to give me another shot of tequila) and yelled “I said I was thirsty, not dirty” across the bar - to being a girl who’s big weekend event was setting up her new water filtration system. I was once The Worst. Now I am very well hydrated and able to laugh at myself. We really can change.

Day 298: A smoothie of a different color.. I was driving blind on this one a little bit. Everything went in, Kale, banana, sweet potato, peanut butter, bloobs, cashews, goji berries, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds tulsi, chaga, rhodiola, wheatgrass …

Day 298: A smoothie of a different color.. I was driving blind on this one a little bit. Everything went in, Kale, banana, sweet potato, peanut butter, bloobs, cashews, goji berries, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds tulsi, chaga, rhodiola, wheatgrass and ashwagandha and almond milk. The sweet potato made the texture a little weird but I’ll definitely give it another go. My with coconut milk next time.

We’re half way there!

IMG_4343.jpeg

Alright guys, I want you all to take a second and sing the chorus of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer with me because we are officially half way through a year of breakfasts here at Naked and Eggs! This project has been such a fun and nourishing way to make sure that I am taking care of me first. If you are someone who is prone to prioritizing others needs above your own I highly suggest you carve out some non-negotiable time in the morning just for you. Every day.. And put a egg on it! Wake up, look in the mirror and ask yourself how you feel and what you want. Going into each day knowing what you want saves time. I have also noticed that creates less space in your life for other people who do not know what they want. What a gift! So today I am feeling accomplished and I want EGGS and Bon Jovi on blast! 182 days down.. 182 day to go!

P.S. I am 100% positive that if I had not been sober this entire time I would have given up on this project long ago.. I would have woken up feeling like steaming trash and not had the energy or desire to make myself something beautiful to eat. I would have ordered a taco (outsourcing my self care) and eaten it in bed… I do not miss that.

Day 182: Cheesy egg with sautéed kale, potatoes, bell pepper, shi-shi’s (shishito peppers) scallions and tomato confit. Berries on the side.

DID YOU KNOW… Blueberries have the ability to control the release of cortisol in your body? That is the stress hormone that is produced by the adrenal gland during stressful moments. It travels to the hippocampus and unleashes an emotional response (aka potential freak out). Blueberries help in controlling this hormones impact on your mood. Keeping you calm and relaxed. So eat up!

What is new and good? V

IMG_4223.jpeg

Welcome back for the fifth edition of What is new and good?

Mercury retrograde is over! If the last three weeks have felt like a long and not so funny blooper reel you’re about to get a break. As Mercury goes direct we can all look forward to better communication, fewer misunderstandings, less technological glitchiness and generally smoother times.

Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey donated $3 million to introduce universal basic income to several US cities that want to give the idea a go. It’s awesome to see someone with means give a crap about the wealth gap. High fives to Jack!

Today is Sir Patrick Stewarts 80th birthday! No, he’s not new BUT his longevity definitely falls into the category of good. He has done so much with in his career and so many awesome things with the celebrity it has brought him.

last but not least.. these Pecan flour pancakes are new and good. My best friend came upstairs for breakfast this morning and she is currently keto and I wanted to throw something together that she could enjoy without breaking her stride. We share a love for pancakes so I danced this keto friendly idea around. They were good but they could be better. I’ll play with the recipe and post it in the future.

Day 180: Pecan Flour Pancakes with yogurt, banana, blueberries, chia, pumpkin seeds, crunchy quinoa, honey and nasturtium flowers.