Good Morning Moves 101

I’ve done a lot of waking up in my life. I’m an early riser. I’m a napper.. a part time insomniac and often prone to just being overcome by sleep like one of those kittens you see on the internet who drifts off while sitting up. Despite all this waking up I would say I’ve been fairly bad at it for most of my days here on earth. Graceless hurried starts or conversely ass dragging lethargy. Lately though, I feel like I’ve got my system dialed in. I figured I’d share my routine with y’all. I’m a nosey lady. Endlessly curious about the ways other people live their lives. If you’re here I’m willing to bet you’ve got the same gene. This is what a lot of my mornings look like.

• Up with the sun. No alarms. They’re too rude. Plus this way I can remember my dreams. They’re important. If there is any dream recall I record it on my phone or write it down as I come around.

• Make the bed immediately upon exiting so the temptation to climb back in is lessened.

• Piss. Wash my face. Brush my teeth and then I oil pull while I put coconut oil on my everything else. Head to toe. I prefer it to lotion because it doesn’t smell like a granny (or any that I have known) and you can buy it in bulk. It is moisturizing, reduces inflammation, helps to heal wounds and has antimicrobial properties. Making it great for fighting acne… which I am forever prone to.

• Small glass of lemon water… I usually chug it because I do not love it. It wakes up my gut. The bodies first mind and immune system HQ.

• I lay on my yoga mat and Wim Hoff for about 10 minutes. It’s better than coffee and makes my blood feel like it’s laced with glitter.

• Mini ashtanga session. A little yoga to wake up all my joints and center my energy for the day.

• Breakfast time.. I ask myself “Babe, what would make you feel nourished and happy?” Then I set out to make it happen.

• While eating I either blog or do my Morning Pages. Sometimes they are one and the same.

• Get dressed and clean up the kitchen. Then I am ra-ra-ready for the day!

There is always music involved.. anything from Belafonte to Chopin. Depends on my mood. Some days I throw in a cold shower. Depends on what my dreams were like.

Ok, I showed you mine. Now you show me yours. How do you wake up?

Day 128: Hefty serving of yogurt with bloobs, raspberries, bananana, seeds and coconut butter… which acts like icing on the cool exterior of a chilled berry. Winning!

Success

This weekend I slept a lot, I worked a lot and I played a lot. It was equal parts studying and running through the rain. Thunder and lightning. Salty and sweet. I am feeling balanced and energized for the week ahead. I feel grateful and grounded in myself. All the edges of life were feeling blurry… but they’re starting to come back into focus.. stay tuned.

Day 127: Golden Milk oatmeal with bananas, hazelnuts, bloobs, cinnamon, seeds and coconut butter.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

I will forever miss Thundercats, Gargoyles and Jem but Midnight Gospel is really hitting the spot these days.. if you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for? Any show that would describe meditating as “shoving a butt plug into the asshole of your mind” is worth a spin.

Day 126: Sautéed kale, cabbage, carrots, potatoes and mushrooms with leftover black rice, sprouts avocado, a teensy bit of yogurt and a 6 minute egg.

Bro

While the rest of the world is seemingly pants-less in a zoom meeting I have been making more time to zoom around town on my bike. I most enjoy riding at night because it’s cooler, quieter, darker and appeases the teenager in me who still wants to sneak out of the house. That bitch… anyway.. These late night rides are kind of intense. I come home sweaty and jelly legged with my hair all jacked up from the wind. Surprisingly they’ve been the thing to help me feel I am getting somewhere in my quest to balance out my masculine energy. Maybe it’s traversing the city ALONE at night. Maybe it’s pushing myself and moving my body in new ways. Maybe it’s the pace of the ride… could be all of the above but I feel like maybe I’ve had a taste of what it is to bro out. Shocker, I’m totally into it. My friend Fran built my bike and dropped it off a little more than a year ago. I haven’t shown it much attention am I’m regretting it! I texted him today to thank him and let him know that once I have leg muscles I’ll name at least one of them after him. He called dibs on my left glute. There’s a fanny joke in there somewhere.. but I’m not going to find it today.

Day 125: Forbidden rice, kimchi, avocado, sprouts, cilantro, bloobs and a 6 minute egg + brags amino acids, coconut oil and fish sauce on top. Crushed it!

P.S. It was 90 degrees today and I spent most of it fantasizing about cutting off all my gd hair. I’m weak! Summer is going to kick my ass.

Love the Bite

There was a time when I was fueled by smoothies, juices and of course tequila. I used to always joke that I was “thirsty”. That mainly meant I wanted another round of shots. Subconsciously I was saying, “I’m dehydrated.. help!” But seriously, for years a lot of my “meals” came with a straw. Oh the environmental horror show I was. There was this grab and go mentality when it came to caring for myself. I was making good food choices (in the daylight hours) but I was never sitting down to ingest and absorb all that goodness. I kept myself on the go AND I was not chewing. You know, that oh-so-very crucial first step in the digestion process? Yeah I was not doing that. I was not honoring my body with a moment of rest or giving it a chance to recharge. It was more like dropping pennies in the swear jar rather than making a thoughtful, sound investment in myself. Which, for me THAT is what food has the power to be. Sitting down and eating a meal slows me down.. to a manageable speed. For myself and (as a bonus) everyone around me too. Chewing, savoring, considering, picking things out of my teeth.. it is sanctuary. I still love to juice and indulge in the occasional smoothie but they are no longer meal replacements. They’re warm up moves or accompaniments. Something to pair with a meal like I used to do with wine. I never had to pair tequila because I felt that it went well with everything. I could drink it naked, in the dark and feel content. That being said (and only mildly off topic) I realized this morning that I missed my 10 month sober-versary a few days ago.. so, way to go me! I made myself this gorgeous breakfast salad to celebrate. It would have made a dope-ass smoothie but well, I’m slowing it down. These days I love the bite.

Day 124: Salad for breakfast! Dino kale from the farm, mango, bloobs, raspberries, sunflower sprouts and microgreens. I dressed it in lemon, mint, fresh grated ginger and coconut oil.. seed garnish. A++

Venus de Uh-oh

Day 123: Smoked trout, yogurt, various sprouts and toms from the farm on a fresh croissant. Delightful!

The universe is funny. Venus retrograde in the middle of a pandemic. Sounds about right. Just as we’ve all been sequestered and craving connection the planets align to make it even more complicated to do so. So, if you thought you were frustrated before, buckle up. Getting close to your romantic interest during this period could prove to be emotionally challenging. If you’re like me you may get keyed up at the mere mention of a challenge, cool it. The stars are saying unorthodox, experimental, and non-intimate relationships may be favored during this phase. It could turn into an ex-fest for some with people from your past resurrecting themselves into your present. Lean in if you like deja vu. Take the fact that most of us are wearing masks right now as a sign. You’ve been warned. Not really looking like the summer of love around here.. With Venus in Gemini watch out for gossip, superficialty, two-facedness, and emotional unavailability. Your Gemini friends may be more introspective, distant, or hard to reach right now. Leave a message and leave it be. Spend this time getting in touch with your deeper, less obvious, and less superficial needs/wants. Determine who and what is truly important to you. These frustrating planetary aspects come to an end on June 25th.. until then, if you are craving connection here are some suggestions: cook dinner with your inner child, dance with your shadow, or as always, loving go fuck yourself.

Me and my shadow were dancing to this earlier..

Letters in the rain..

I snuck out on my bike this morning in between the storms. Riding through the window, if you will. Days like this remind me of Washington. I am blissed out. Today I’ll get some work and school stuff done and then reply to a few truly patient pen pals. Doing my part to keep in touch and maybe sustain the USPS. If you’re confused as to why or exactly how screwed that situation is I suggest watching Last Week Tonight’s coverage. John Oliver always has your back. As I watched it and considered buying even more stamps I was reminded of this story from another Jon, actually. Jon Ronson’s Butterfly Effect. It covers the ways in which the creation of porn hub had some truly unexpected side effects on the porn industry and the ways it has had to shift in its wake. One of them being the mini productions of custom porn. When the price was right anyway. We can all imagine what plenty of that looks like but there was one bizarre scenario that kind of thrilled me. He tells the story of an anonymous Norwegian man who paid a pretty penny to have a video made of three naked women destroying his epic stamp collection. Disturbing… Fascinating. Anyhow, yes, do what you can about the USPS. Sign a petition. Write your congress person. Need a stamp? Buy some Last Week Tonight stamps. For traditional or salacious purposes. Your call. Enjoy the rain if you’ve got it. And Now..

Day 122: I had a banana on my ride this morning then cooked up this tofu stir fry when I got home. Tofu, purple cabbage, zucchini, scallions, mushrooms, avocado, kimchi sesame and coconut oil.

The Candle or The Mirror

The energies are starting to chafe around here. I woke up feeling agitated and aggressive. My phone was buzzing before my alarm. I didn’t get to meet the day. It just came for me. And I am not a fan of pop ins. The news alerts started rolling in shortly after and the mindlessness, the hatred and bumbling cluelessness spelled out in the headlines didn’t feel news worthy at all. It felt like boiling deja vu. Like a distraction. An attention grab. And that kind of shit makes me want to break stuff. It’s a new week and I don’t want to kick it off as some low vibing, name calling, match lighting jerk.. but sometimes that’s who I am. Just as I was going into full on “burn it all down” mode that old Edith Wharton quote tip toed into my mind, cautiously waving a white flag.. “There are two ways of spreading the light. To be the candle or the mirror that receives it.” What a wise babe. No where does she mention arson. It made me breathe. It talked it me down. It got me craving some sweetness.. to balance out the bitter.

Day 121: Banana pancakes with honeyed almond butter, bloobs, coconut, cacao nibs and maple yogurt. These were much sturdier than my last attempt. Recipe goes:

1 banana
1 egg
2 Tbs almond flour
1 Tbs Gaia Golden milk powder
dash of cacao powder

Mash it all up with a fork until it’s only mildly lumpy and unpleasing to the eye. This is fun if you’re feeling aggressive and want to make grody mess. Get your pan hot. Add butter, ghee or coconut oil (whatever turns your crank) and spoon in about a 1/3 cup of batter for each pancake. Then wait. Flip…and I think you’ve probably got it from here. As with all pancakes just accept that the first one will be ugly. Sacrificial pancake…

It’s good for you..

Growing up if there was ever something you didn’t want to eat or a chore you proved unwilling to do my mother would chime in with what has became her catch phrase “it’s good for you!” She has said it countless times over the years. I have told her that if she keeps it up we are going to put it on her headstone. Ya know, a little levity for the afterlife. I called her today, as I hope you called your mother. We talked about plants until my phone died and then I called her back and we talked about plants some more. My mother could pick up a twig out of a ditch and grow you a National forest. It’s pretty incredible. She’s a seed hoarder and she has a cool green house full of experimental clippings and tree frogs. It’s smells earthy and alive and that’s where she likes to be. Humming and buzzing around the yard. Caring for this and tending to that. Making the world a more beautiful place to be.

Day 120: Forbidden fried rice with scallions and birds eye chili’s. Avocado, smoked trout, yogurt cukes and bloobs.

An oldie but a goodie of me and my lovely mother.. at a wedding I believe. Yes, I had dreads in the 90’s..

Bury me in coconut butter

Yesterday I braved the store in search of all the healthy fats. My jeans are starting to sag, kids. It’s not a good look. Back in school the kids called me Bonnie Bubble Butt. This was the late 80’s and butts weren’t really cool like they are now. This nickname made me feel ultra self conscious but these days I’m looking to earn it back. I didn’t get it when Sir Mix-a-lot started rapping about being a butt connoisseur. It contradicted everything I knew/felt to be true about the matter all together. My young mind was confused. Luckily baggy clothes were in vogue and I could just hide in them. Mystery Butt, problem solved. Now butts are cool. Thick is cool.. and I am thinner than I have ever been and people have been bringing it to my attention... no one has mentioned my butt (which is smart on their part) but these days she is ever so un-effervescent. Most of me has zero patience or time for people who want to weigh in on my physicality. Most of them can get stuffed, honestly. However some people seem legitimately concerned.. and as more of my clothes fail to fit the way they once did, I am starting to put more fat into my diet. Hands down this is the most fun, delicious and surprising diet shift I have made so far. Right off the bat I noticed a difference in my cognitive abilities and it’s got my skin looking pretty damn good too. There’s been smoked steaks, extra ghee, full fat yogurt, designer peanut butter, cheese on this and cheese on that, avocado everything and my favorite, COCONUT BUTTER. Please, bury me in coconut butter and the jeans I will soon be filling out again, will you?

Day 119: Rice cakes two ways. One, piled with avocado, shredded zucchini, tomatoes, birds eye chili’s, coconut oil and ume plum vinegar. Two, coconut butter AND peanut butter, banana, blueberry and chia seeds. So very dope. Excited to start throwing my weight around.

I am the worst…

I am a pretty big fan of minding my own business. However I also really enjoy just about every “Overheard” social media account that has ever existed. Because eavesdropping is fun… it’s wrong.. it’s fun.. it’s wrong.. it’s fun! Sometimes I just have to give in to the urge, like last night. I woke up around two with my book on my face. All the lights were still on and the funnest, loudest most intimate sex sounds are radiating from some neighboring apartment. There was laughing and O-ing and things being knocked over. It sounded like a pretty rad time. Good for them! I could have put on some white noise and given them some privacy but.. that’s not what I did. Through some kind of osmosis I got a little oxytocin high too. I know a few weeks ago I posted about sex in the time of Covid… where I told you all to go fuck yourselves.. and that sorta still stands. Mostly. I think it’s good advice for now. But damn. If you’ve got a designated safe partner to get down with. Do it for the rest of us. And really put your back into it.

Day 118: Cucumber, mango, tomato and kimchi with a little coconut oil drizzled on top.

I’ve been jamming this all morning for all it’s silly sexy vibes…

Some Full Moon Shit

Last night I was reading in bed when I got a text from my neighbor that just read “Moon”. I love my neighbor Jeffrey for things like this. If you have to share walls with someone Jeffrey is a pretty solid option. Sure, sometimes he parties on the balcony too late and I feel like I am a million years old as I tell him to turn it down but, I get it. I was 25 once too. Sometimes though, he shows up with cake or even yesterday he dropped off some bone broth and a CBD hemp stick before running around the streets with me. Barefoot, hunting for the moon. This was the last super moon of the year and it was beautiful. It’s in Scorpio.. I felt pretty emotional all night long. Scorpio is majorly introspective and often brings all our subconscious baggage to the surface. For better or worse. I journaled for a bit and lit some candles to let some shit go. To let it burn off. I tried my best to communicate my feelings and be patient with a friend who I recently had a falling out with. Misunderstandings are likely in times like these. *sigh .. shrug * I wrote a little letter forgiving whoever needed it and included myself in that lot. This is how we grow, change, become. We let things go and create the space we need to transform. Which is what Scorpio is all about.

Day 117: Peanut butter & cacao on sprouted wheat with nanananas and a seeds. I put seeds on gd everything. I have a jar with a selection of sunflower, pumpkin, hemp hearts, chia and sesame seeds that tops off nearly everything I eat. This adds extra doses of magnesium, iron, calcium, mono and poly unsaturated fats, fiber, omega 3’s, zinc, copper, manganese and protein to my diet throughout the day. Plus it adds that oh so satisfying crunch we all love. On the side I made a pretty potent beverage.. Coconut water, cucumber, a splash of apple cider vinegar with wheat grass, oat grass, alfalfa, spirulina and chlorella. It was like .. going down on a lawn mower during a spa retreat. Not bad, but not great.

Be Brave

In pondering the moves of masculinity I went looking for a new role model. Mine have always been women. As I was shuffling the through the Rolodex of possible candidates in my mind I realized that it’s kind of easy to be confused about masculine energy. What we see of it on the big stage is so basic and often toxic. Hence my off the cuff idea to simply start acting like an aggressive animal to balance my yin and yang, Culturally, I feel, we recognize and appreciate femininity through nuance and masculinity often shows up blunt as an alternative. I realized that I need to disrobe these contrasting energies of their skirts and mustaches to make them more digestible.. adaptable.. understood. As a person who gets off on extremes (and often suffers the consequences of such a kink) it doesn’t surprise me that I would jump to a macho, if cartoonish conclusion of the yang to my yin. Ugh, the ego involved in that thought process too.. like to suggest that anything that could balance me out would have to be negative because what? I’m so perfect? Hilarious. This is what’s running through my mind today as I eat this pretty rad plate of completely local goods. In conclusion, I dropped the search for a male role model. I did however see “courage” listed as a masculine quality somewhere on the World Wide Web. I resented the implication at first because clearly women are brave AF all the time.. but, fuck it, whose got time for more resentment? I’m going to try to and put my bravest foot forward. Be more open. Be more active. Be more willing to take a risk for the highest good.. even when it scares me.

Day 116: Hash party. Potatoes, kale, carrots & zucchini with thyme, feta, seeds and a poached egg. Oranges, strawberries and foraged blackberries to quell my sweet tooth.

Breakfast for Dinner

Confession: I didn’t eat breakfast today. I wasn’t hungry. I did have a bite of someone else’s peanut butter banana toast. Mostly because it had AVOCADO HONEY on it and I couldn’t resist. T’was good. Ten out of ten would bite again. Since the world is upside down anyway I figured why not close out the day with breakfast instead? I make the rules around here anyway. I’m sitting here a little spent from a more intense yoga practice plus some weight training. I’ve been having a hard time keeping weight on again and I need to focus on building muscle.. which feels daunting. In my head that means changing more than what I’m doing for exercise. I’ll need to change the way I’m thinking about it too. I like how feminine yoga feels to me. I like how light and airy it makes my brain and body feel. I’m starting to think it’s got me a little unbalanced though.. like perhaps my therapist was right all those years ago when he suggested I work on balancing my feminine and masculine energy. I guess I need more yang. My first thoughts on achieving this are to 1. Start growling 2. Maybe start a fight with someone. If you’re reading this and find yourself feeling concerned about my seemingly basic concept of masculinity, don’t worry, it concerns me too. I guess we’ll see what happens. Come at me, bro?

Day 115: Forbidden rice, kimchi, sunflower sprouts and fried egg, breakfast for dinner is rad because there is room for ice cream. I made this vanilla ice cream (recipe to come), the berries were foraged by the railroad tracks near my house and a friend made me this amazing blackberry and jasmine jaggery syrup. A+

Time to make the mustard…

Work is starting to roll in again and I feel a little like the kid chasing fireflies in the yard being called in to finish their homework. Any moment now the powers that be will be using my full name as a threat. Followed by “get your butt in here!” Luckily I do genuinely care about my job. Working with food and herbs as alternative medicine to help people heal themselves when modern medicine has failed them is extremely fulfilling. It feels true to me which I can’t say for many other jobs I’ve had. I was reflecting on all the jobs I’ve found myself in over the years. The hours of pushing buttons at the register in a grocery store nearly falling down dead from ennui. My senior year spent being stupendously stoned slinging pizza with all of my friends. That one time I worked for Miss Cleo, reading tarot at the psychic friends network (which I would argue, is equivalent to being a therapist without the compensation). The blazing summers and punishing winters cooking for movie stars on films sets (my favorite being Lili Taylor, total gem of a human). Oh gawd and that one terrible time I was a cocktail waitress in a strip club. What a shit show. In short.. it’s nice to be returning to something that legitimately helps. Maybe now more than ever.

Day 114: Russian kale, Anna apples & golden beets sautéed in a little coconut oil, shmaltz & curry powder. Topped with tart blackberries & a 6 minute egg.

Sssshut up Sunday

Embrace the silence..

Day 113: Avocado, cucumber, sprouts, tommy toms (tomatoes) and kimchi tossed in sesame oil with a side of mango and strawberries.

Better Late Than Never..

Sometimes you want to shake it up. You just need to have no agenda and make a little room for whatever is to simply be. I took a social media break last year. October straight through to the end of January. More books, more drawing more being in the moment… less advertising. I have been missing it. Anyhow, took a little break from posting to let the weekend exist on its own without any documentation. But in the spirit of “pics or it didn’t happen” I did snap some breakfast photos.

Day 112: Eggs poached in bone broth, homemade kimchi, kimchi, leftover guac and kewpie mayo. Some people called it “titties” and I have to say, it was pretty damn good.

I don’t wanna be in your cult no more

We are greasing up the gears to get this beast moving again. I have been side-eyeing the growing traffic on the street all morning. It is heavier than it has been since this began and I am a little peeved that the sound is drowning out the birds songs I have grown used to. That cliche Mary Engelbreit quote is skipping on repeat in my mind… “don’t look back - you’re not going that way.” While that feels true for me I know many are on the edge on their seat with their keys in their hand. Ready to roll. I have zero desire to return to the status quo. Sure, it feels too soon. More so it feels pretty unimaginative. I never liked the the way things were. I have forever been flipping the menu over looking for a better option, wondering if this is all there is. I don’t have the answers yet but luckily I’m enjoying the quest. For now all I know is I don’t want to drink the koolaid (or the Coca-Cola). I don’t want to waste my life in traffic or work a 9-5 and live my best life in the dead last moments of the week, as though my joy is the least of my priorities. I don’t want to “network”. I want to connect for the inspiration of it all. For the recognition of being cut from the same cloth. For the pure pleasure of your company.

Day 111: Smoothie situation// spinach, banana, strawberry, mango, pineapple, cucumber, sprouts, chia seeds, hemp hearts, spirulina & almond milk

Destination unknown

Day 110: Seared butternut squash, fried egg, Russian kale and seared tommy toms.

Party jams for uncertain times…

Native

We live in an abundant world and I feel we have severely lost sight of that reality. The natural systems are not tricky. They’re fairly intuitive.. when we can hear our own inner voice. I haven’t been to the grocery store since we were told to shelter in place. I have ordered odds and ends but I’m mostly relying on the farm or foraging. I thoroughly love walking around to see what I can find. Berries, onions, herbs and delicate greens… they’re everywhere. There may very well be snakes in the grass but there are also some real riches living out their lives as misunderstood weeds. I came home from my walk last night with wild herbs for tea to help me relax and sleep. They were just growing here and there, lucky to not be mowed down. Everything on my plate today was grown within a 10 minute walk from my front door. Feeling at home in new and profound ways these days.

Day 109: Cucumbers, green apples, black beauty tomatoes, grapefruit, parsley, feta and yarrow flowers.