It’s getting hot in here…

Summer has arrived! Time to burn all your clothes before they spontaneously combust in the mid afternoon sun. I like these months of wearing less and less. Starting or ending most days at the springs and that classic banana boat tanning oil smell.. priceless. Soon all the night shades will be falling off the vine. Peppers blowing up the scene. Shishitos, berries, sweet corn, cucumbers… And then.. stone fruits! It’s my favorite fruit season, no contest. Summer cuisine is just so exciting. Just thinking about it has me babbling… let the page try begin!

Day 108: Red bell pepper and purple cabbage salad dressed in sesame, lime, tamari and fish sauce with cilantro, sprouts, quinoa and a 6 minute egg. *not pictured: a ton of cantaloupe

Greener

I walked outside this morning and saw some new squash and tomatoes growing on the vine. This is not a surprising turn of events, of course. It is exactly what I put them in the dirt to do. Still though, seeing them felt like magic. A nice reminder on a Monday that the grass is always greener where you water it. I hope you’re all walking into your week clear on what your priorities are and witnessing the little moments of magic in the process.

Day 107: Cantaloupe, kimchi and sunflower sprouts (yes, I’m obsessed).

Brunch PTSD

Every Sunday I get that doesn’t involve me working a brunch service is a gift. It might surprise a few that working in restaurants negatively effected my relationship with food. Things got unhealthy before I could even realize it. I was constantly cooking but rarely eating much of anything. Not all kitchens make time for family meal. I picked at scraps around the kitchen like a bird and scarfed down meals mindlessly in between shifts. My blood sugar levels were wacked out all the time. I religiously jammed coffee to keep it all going. There were post shift drinks and a lot of middle of the night drive through nonsense. Eating and sleeping were complete afterthoughts. They were what happened when I was tapped and literally crashing. My adrenals were shot and I was chronically pissed off. At the time I couldn’t see the direct correlation between my lifestyle and my unraveling physical and mental state. I honestly thought maybe I was just an asshole who happened to be surrounded by many other assholes. While I sometimes miss the comradery and creativity I found in all those kitchens, I could never go back to a life that required me to prioritize myself last. I’m so grateful to be home today. Using everything I learned to feed myself a nutritious meal that looks as good as it tastes. So very grateful that there is no one here crying in the pantry, screaming about eggs or flipping out about table 22 not getting their side of whipped butter. Keep all of this in mind when things open up again and the decadent possibilities of brunch returns to your life. It’s not a blast for everyone. Be cool, be grateful and tip the hell out of the people making it happen for you.

Day 106: Yoga appetizer. Quinoa, lentils, roasted beets, kale with lemon, scallions, sun dried tomatoes, broccoli, feta and sunflower sprouts. Seed garnish. Foraged grapefruit.

When you’re smilin’..

Quarantine can be a little gloomy and monotonous at times.. but I’m not ready to give in. We all have a secret list of cure-all’s that thrill us. I happen to love Louis Prima. So when I woke up and didn’t know what day it was and quickly realized it didn’t entirely matter, I put some on turned up the stereo. What we choose to engage with is one way we hone our own power. It is everyone’s job to be mindful of what we give our attention to. We lose when we give it to “those people”, the daily news, too much sad bastard music, overly processed foods, self limiting beliefs, the ego, the past, etc. Small doses, if any, of all that shit. If things have gotten too blue try the now, a great tune and a little messin’ around in the kitchen instead. With the right ingredients you can keep your mood in check. I grabbed some beets at the farm today for that very reason. They are chock full of tryptophan & betaine which have been scientifically proven to boost your sense of well being. Plus they are so gawd damn pretty. All of that makes me smile. And not to be simple or down right annoying but honestly, we need smiles right now. They are contagious.

Day 105: Quinoa (for some protein), kale, red cabbage and golden beets tossed in olive oil and grapefruit juice (for Betaine, Iron, Anthocyanins, vitamins C & K), avocado and Greek yogurt dressing with herbs (potassium, calcium, vitamin B6, more protein, vitamin C and a little probiotic). Eight minute egg on the side for that sunny stare and a little omega 3’s.

Quarantine Breakout

I truly believe that damn near anything can be fixed with food. Even adult acne. Recently my skin has been breaking out. Am I alone? I blame the usual suspects. Stress, hormones and.. if I’m being honest, my sugar battle rages on. I want that sweet stuff! After all, ice cream in the tub may as well count as sex in these dark times of social distancing. I am human. I have needs. However, my skin has spoken up to let me know it needs me to dial it back on the chocolate chip cookie dough and crowd it out with nutrient dense treats. A solution I can manage and enjoy. My top picks? Mango and blueberries. They help regulate my hormones while pleasing my insatiable sweet tooth. Avocado for it’s world of antioxidants like B-carotene, lecithin, and linoleic acid that helps moisturize from within. Kimchi (my go to fermented food) has stellar amounts of omega 3’s and vitamin A, boosting hydration, preventing acne and staving off the aging process.. so I don’t look like a 900 year old teenager when it’s time to emerge from my apartment. You can save yourself some much needed cash right now by skipping the many topical skincare products that promise rejuvenation by just switching up what you eat. Killing two birds with one stone and saving face at the same time.

Day 104: Avocado, kimchi, mango, bloobs, sunflower sprouts, Briggs amino’s and seeds (chia, hemp hearts, sunflower and pepitas.

Simple.

I am feeling more content as the days go by. Life is simpler and it isworking for me. I like how quiet the neighborhood is. I like that there is no where to rush to. That there is no rush hour. No one needs to make time to stop and smell the roses. The time is simply available to smell them whenever you like and they are everywhere. This all feels so much more natural to me. I find that my mind is drifting less to the past and rarely worrying into the future. I amjust here and I am now and it is everything. In the past I have over extended myself to feel like I do this very moment. Ironic that the less I have done the easier it has become to attain.

Day 103: Croissant, apples, Brie and sunflower sprouts with spicy mustard. Simple. Perfect.

Rock Steady

Tonight is the new moon. I love these darkest of nights. Lately I’ve been focused on what I want life to look like for me when it is time to emerge from this quarantine. I am not interested in going back to the way things were. During this massive pause we find ourselves in I have decided that come what may, it is time for me to make some big changes and start pushing for what I truly want. I am worth it. The energy of the new moon is great for implementing change or even starting over all together.. I’m looking at what has been unstable or even slightly precarious in my life and setting intentions for a much firmer foundation. Financially, emotionally, physically and energetically. I have forever been a fan of chaos. Seeing stability as potentially very boring, too predictable.. safe. Always playing my hand a little loose or even going into “fuck it” mode and sabotaging things out of the fear of routine or gawd forbid, the mundane.. but I feel ready to balance it out and get some different results. Tonight I will clear the energies, get grounded and set my rock steady intentions. Normally I would go for a swim on the new moon but since the springs are closed I’ll take a bath instead. I picked up some black lava salt for the occasion.

What will you be plotting on this moonless night?

Day 102: Crumpet with half an avocado with lemon, basil, flax and sunflower sprouts. Side of bloobs. I think I could live on blueberries. They are full of phytonutrients. If you’re like, wtf is that? Well it’s the colors you see in the produce section. All these different colors help support our digestive processes, keep our skin clear and bright, contribute to a healthy immune system, shape our mood and cognitive functions, and even influence our body composition. In other words, the Skittles catch phrase “eat the rainbow” is an awesome message… attached to an ill advised product. If you’re looking to create better foundations in your own life try starting with your diet. Eating more colorful meals is a simple enough first step.

Hued

I dreamt in black and white last night. I can’t recall that ever happening before. I woke up craving all the colors. I ate then spent part of the morning painting and listening to old Alan Watts lectures. I love him so much. His voice thrills me. If I could have a second voice in my head it would be Alan’s. His wisdom and perspective are wonderful but the moments when he cracks himself up are the very best. The lecture below seems timely.

Day 101: Salad for breakfast. Quinoa, spinach, carrots scallions, radish, avocado, blueberries and kimchi with lemon and amino acids.

One Hundred

One hundred days in and while this isn’t exactly where I thought any of us would be in the spring of 2020… I remain grateful and optimistic. I cracked my gratitude journal this morning while I ate breakfast. Today’s entry went like this:

I am grateful…

• To have a safe space to call home

• To my family and community for the support, care and inspiration they bring.

• For my garden. For what it is and what it is becoming.

• To have found sobriety before this all hit. This situation would be extra challenging if I were still numbing my feelings and managing hangxiety.

• My past self who hoarded away a bunch of art supplies, tea and bath bombs. They are keeping me grounded and entertained.

• For all the odd jobs I’ve worked over the years.. for making me feel like I am capable of anything.

• Bananas… I just fucking love bananas.

Day 100: Grilled Ba-cchini sandwich with skyr and bloobs. It’s not the Mona Lisa but it was really fucking tasty. I had a hard time sleeping last night so I set out to make some banana bread. Thing was, I didn’t have enough bananas.. so then I redirected and thought I’d make some zucchini bread.. but there wasn’t enough zucchini for that either. Splitting the difference was a win. 10/10 would make a gain.

Go Outside

…. but keep your distance. It’s just too beautiful to stay in.

Day 99: Grapefruit, badminton & sunshine..

Rooted

I am time traveling in my head a bit right now. Reflecting, stepping, tripping back into the past. Looking back on my first years in Austin and the people who helped to make it my home. I learned yesterday that a friend and mentor of mine is going into hospice. He’s been sick with cancer for years and now. While the tests keep coming back negative, he is showing symptoms of Covid-19 and will not be eligible for the drug trial he was praying for. With things as they are no one will be able to visit and offer their support.. or if need be, say their goodbyes and pay their respects. This man shaped a lot of my life here. He and his wife introduced me to perspectives, people and ways of living that have influenced me in more ways than I can fully comprehend. The idea that there is something in the air that keeps me (and everyone who had the benefit of knowing him) at a distance right now is hard to accept. A grim reminder to be present in and grateful for our time with each other. Around the time that I met this man and got to know his family I was living up the street from Steve Brudniak. He was working on a series at the time that made me feel like I hadn’t really lived yet. Titled, Blood Of A Mentor: Cultivator Of Humility and Benevolence. He was crafting these beautiful sculptural chambers with persevered human blood specimens. The samples were from his family, friends and special acquaintances who had made an impact on his life. Each reliquary embellished with an inscription engraved into a plate describing the attributes learned from the person memorialized within. “Cultivator of Compassion and Tolerance Cultivator of Pragmatism and Independence,” “…of Absurdity and Enlightenment,” “… of Courage and Self-Esteem,” “…of Optimism and Humor” and “…of Humility and Benevolence.”  A bit macabre for some but they really spoke to me and made me long to know who my mentors would be. Blind to the fact that they were already there. Today I will write my mentor a letter and struggle to express the influence his life has had on mine.

Day 98: Root Veg Rösti with boiled egg and spicy Dijon yogurt sauce.. I wanted to feel grounded today so I grabbed all the root vegetables I could find for this. Yukon potatoes, carrot, leeks and radish. I whipped some Dijon into some skyr to zhuzh it up.

Queen of Swords

During my morning tea I opted to skip the news and exercise my intuition instead. I thought I’d pull one card for the collective vibe and consider the many perspectives it offers. I shuffled and the the 3 of wands popped out with the Queen of swords in tow. Damnit if tarot doesn’t just tell it like it is. The three of wands is here to encourage us to dig into the unrealized possibilities. To gather up our hope and create a clear vision of what we want the future to look like. It can be whatever we want but only if we believe that to be true.. See it, smell it, taste it, feel it, fall in love with it and commit. When we have a clear vision and set a strong intention, the more likely its realization. Notice how a queen showed up and not a king or the emperor? Coincidence? I think not. The Queen of Swords is maybe my favorite queen in the deck. If ever there were a queen who’s platform was social distancing, it is she. Her message is clear. “No more fuckery.” This woman will not tolerate any illusive or deceptive behavior. It is high time we take that energy on for ourselves. She is sitting there making sure that we will not be bullied out of what is ours. Not anymore. She reminds us to be independent in our thinking. Committed to our truth and vision. I know we all probably wanted a warmer and potentially more nurturing queen to arrive but this is the queen the world needs right now. She is a bad bitch and she is fed up.

Day 97: Oatmeal, loquats and pears, oh my! Peppermint green tea on the side.

Benadryl Diaries

Maybe the saying should be “Death, Taxes & Allergies”… my mind is dazed out today. High on pollen or rag weed or some kind of mold. This photo was an accident but it perfectly captures the vibe between my ears today. So I went with it. Let the spacing and lazing about begin. For all my pen pals out there, ready yourselves for some loopy correspondence.

Day 96: Today’s breakfast goes by many names.. Egg-in-a-basket, Toad in a hole, Bullseye egg, One Eyed Jack, Cowgirl Egg, Birds Nest, Egg in a Trashcan, a Betty Jane, Mark Rothko Egg, a Popeye, Egg with a hat and of course, Gashouse eggs. What do you call it? (Carrot and beet kombucha spritzer on the side)

Sprung

This spring situation has me beaming. It’s like an alternate reality. The headlines scrawl out daily loss, chaos and confusion. Painting a bleak picture of the present and what is to come. Once you step away and get outside the air is sweet, everything is in bloom and fruit is ripening in the trees. One view paralyzing, the other prolific. Yesterday after I wrapped up some school work I went for a walk with best friend. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, it is such a gift that we live in the same complex and can social distance together. We walked for miles and gracelessly climbed trees. We scaled fences and braved tall blackberry patches. Coming home with burs tangled up in our shoelaces and a backpack full of fresh fruit and flowers. I dropped off some loquats with Jeffrey who lives in the apartment next to mine. He gave me a slice of vanilla cake and then went back to drawing the view of the sunset from his couch. I ate it like a slice of pizza while I cooked dinner. Sautéed greens and fake meat with avocado and herbs. Later in the bath I tweezed blackberry thorns out of my fingertips while listening to Chopin and felt incredibly… complete.

Day 95: Quinoa, chard, broccoli and sweet potato with kimchi, avocado and 6 minute egg. Foraged loquats, blackberries and (store bought) blueberries on the side.

DTMFA

I got all giddy after Trump declared his absolute authority yesterday. My eyebrows lifted right off my face and I had a good laugh. I want him to keep talking. Which is new and something I never thought I would say. I’ve never been a fan and would love to just stuff an onion in his mouth to quite the noise.. but this time I was just like “There it is!” Tell us ALL about how you are king so everyone who hasn’t wanted to see you for the dictator you desire to be will have a clear view. Go ahead and hang your liver spotted ass out the window of the Oval Office. I am here for this! I know, he has said multitudes of painfully heinous shit in the past and no one cared. I’m really hoping this gets under everyone’s skin though. It’s been my experience in life that at some point we all become the untied shoelace of our own grand adventure. If he keeps talking like this I feel his moment is coming soon. We gotta dump this mother f*cker already. Who’s in?

Day 94: Yoga and Green Things: Quinoa, sautéed greens, avocado, fried egg and scrap sauce. Side of fruit and rasa latte.

Do What Feels Good

The computer tells me it’s Monday again.. life is getting a little weird in my bubble, my cave, my queendom, my cloud.. But I’m here for it. My routines and little life structures are becoming blurry. I’m staying up late and waking up later. I miss waking up with the sun.. but I feel so inspired at night. I find myself up til 2 (or 4..) painting and drawing. It feels good but also kind of feels like I am breaking the rules. Rolling with it for now. I never liked rules much anyway. Growing up my motto was “ask for forgiveness, not permission”… Maybe we never really change that much. The age old blessing and curse combo.

Day 93: A shower with a Smoothie chaser. Speaking of combo’s. Today’s smoothie is a double feature. I felt indecisive this morning so I let that lead me. Below we’ve got spinach, kale, bananas, pineapple, mango, chia, spirulina, moringa, ashwaganda, chlorella and almond milk. Above is blueberries, ginger, lemon, bananas and coconut water. It was a weird time. Not gonna lie. I liked it though.

Filthy, Sinful, Pagan Rabbits

Easter is the strangest holiday. No one can agree on it’s origins. What once seems to have been a celebration of a fertility goddess has become a day of worship for god’s one and only son. Not surprising as we live in a society that favors men over women and desires immortality to no end but, Jesus. speaking of, I was thinking about him earlier. I wondered what he did in his cave as I was spring cleaning mine. Thinking about him in the dark like that inspired me to go the extra mile and wash the windows. I thought about all the people who really want him to return and imagined all the places he might be, as he endlessly declines their calls. Holy ghosted…

I watered the garden and thought about fertility as the bees hummed in my ears and swarmed the pear I was snacking on. Realizing that if it weren’t for Christianity (and yeah, the Coronavirus) we would probably all be “celebrating our fertility” right now like a bunch of filthy, sinful, pagan rabbits. Sounds fun. I’m not going to shit-talk Christians, social distancing or even rabbits here. But c’mon, the ancient spring rituals have more appeal than the modern versions.. Close your eyes and imagine being naked in a field, communing to ensure a future generation and look, someone brought honey cake! Now open them.. you’re in your Sunday best, hunting down Easter eggs and roasting a lamb on a spit, that you paid someone else to butcher. It all really slaps a PG rating on what was once, I imagine, a pretty primal event that must have made someone incredibly uncomfortable. I think it was Camus who said “Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.” I tend to agree with him. I hope you all got a moment today to let your inner filthy, sinful, pagan rabbit have some time in the sun.

Day 92: Kimchi quinoa cakes with & a fried egg with a little mocktail of carrot juice, kombucha and Honeysuckle flower essence. The kimchi is from Eden East. That shit lit me up! It is very good and pretty spicy, for me anyway.

Happy Sober-versary to Me

Today I have been sober for 9 months. No hangovers, no leaving my debit card at the bar and no regretting what I said to anyone. This isn’t my first attempt at cutting booze out of my life. There were other long stints and sober-versaries in the past but 9 months ago I quit a job I really loved. My boss and I had some irreconcilable differences and no one higher up was coming to my aid. So, I decided to leave. While I was sweeping my broken heart up off the floor my buddy Matt called and invited me to New Orleans for his birthday. I had never been and I really wanted to go. Especially with Matt. He’s adventurous and considerate, both things you want in a travel partner. Plus no one in the world is more fun to eat with than Matt Taylor. I knew if I went we would drink and I thought.. “Fuck it. That’s fine with me.” And it honestly was. We showed up just as hurricane Barry started dancing around in the gulf. The city flooded. The water was thigh high at times but everyone just kept moving. They seemed unphased and it was inspiring. We waded out into the garden district and splashed through graveyards. We got caught in the rain on Magazine and Eric Cook, the owner of Gris Gris invited us into his restaurant to ride it out. The place was closed due to flooding but he showed us around and told us ghost stories in the private dining room on the third floor. It was a dream trip that went nothing at all like I thought it would. The drinking isn’t what stands out about it but it was definitely part of it. I have to say that the mornings were a little rough but the trip provided me with closure in many ways. I feel like I finally let a part of myself go while I was in New Orleans. A part I just didn’t need anymore and that maybe she’s still there, a little tipsy, playing in the rain. I don’t struggle with wanting to drink. I feel like a lot of what I drank to forget has been acknowledged and addressed. These days I crave and prioritize the clarity that comes with not drinking. I am happier and I am grateful. In honor of my milestone and of my buddy Matt I made these carrot cake waffles. No one loves carrots more than Matt and I wish I could have shared them with him today.

Day 91: Golden Milk Carrot Cake waffles with dates, bananas and hazelnuts. FTW.

P.S. this is my favorite picture from the graveyard we sloshed though while the city was busy mopping up the rain.

Disco Cake

I’m not suggesting that it is breakfast. I would also never tell you how, when or where to eat your cake or even if you should share it or sit your bare ass in it. Fingers or forks. On the go or in the tub. I do not care. Cake is just great no matter how or when you slice it. Disco cake is not the most decadent of treats. It is for those times when you’re running low on shit. Think, “disco-ntinued”. Still, totally fantastic and it comes together faster than Marie-Antoinette is supposed to have said “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche”. It can be dressed up or live on in the buff and please a crowd. It gets extra points for being vegan and virtually impossible to to screw up. A few of you messaged me about the recipe the other day so I thought I would put it up here. Pro tip, if you serve it with coffee, it is coffee cake. No regrets.

Before we go into the recipe, a personal side note. When I baked this cake I was out of many things. I had not been to the grocery store in weeks. Much like Kramer wanting to see how far the car would make with the needle below “E” I decided to forego a trip to the grocery store for as long as possible. Getting sick would totally suck but finding myself in the hands of our healthcare system sounds like an absolute nightmare. So I was working with what I had on hand as a favor for all and a challenge for myself.

Now.. DISCO.

Obvious stuff. Preheat the oven to 350. You will need a bowl, measuring cups and spoons, a whisk, silicone spatula and something to bake your cake in. I baked mine in three mini springform pans so I could have tiny cakes and feel like a giant. Ruler of the cakes. You can bake yours in whatever you like.

Combine all dry ingredients with your whisk then ad everything wet and bring it together. Oil or butter your cake pan and pour in the batter. Throw it in the oven for 30 minutes. Check it with a toothpick or cake tester. If it comes out clean your mission is complete. Take it out. Let it cool. If you decide to put icing or whipped cream on your cake wait until it has cooled completely or you will be apologizing for it’s appearance as you are serving it.. if you have anyone around to apologize to.

1 1/2 cups AP Flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (if you don’t have this you could use hot cocoa mix and then cut back on the sugar a little if that concerns you)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup cool water
6 Tbsp vegetable oil ( I used coconut oil. Work with what you got.)
1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice or distilled vinegar (I had neither and used red wine vinegar)
1 tsp vanilla

Now you can dust it with powdered sugar as I did or slather it in icing or burry it in macerated berries. Go nuts.

Hiding in Plain Sight

If I had the means I would drop a copy of Hiding in Plain Sight on every doorstep in the country. While I currently do not have the funds to pull that off I will be sending a copy to my parents. They are long time Trump supporters. I wish I could say that it hasn’t effected our relationship over the past few years but sadly, it has. There is seemingly no corner of the world to escape to where the presidents name, voice or policy doesn’t have some effect. When you are unable to discuss something so present with out falling into an argument, having to abruptly change the subject or worse, someone implementing the silent treatment… what do you have? People have told me to not mention it. Make a deal with them to never discuss “it”. That would be doable if the topic being avoided was your feelings about mayonnaise or who the greatest sports ball team is. When it’s the defense and near adoration of a man (or a party of men) that you would be uncomfortable riding alone in an elevator with.. it’s a different story. When the policies they agree with and vote for actively work against the kind of world they, your parents told you to imagine and go create.. it feels like rejection, abandonment and at times betrayal. All the logical parts of me know not to take it personally. My inner child however, tugs on my sleeve. Urging me to back out of the room. To go somewhere safe.. to join the resistance. I vacillate between avoiding the situation all together and running around trying to shine a light on the reality not presented by FOX news. I digress.. this book is for everybody. Supporters and opponents alike. If you’re wondering how we got here, it’s got that. If you’re worried about where we’re going, it’s got that too.

Day 90: Hash.. potatoes, scallions & bell peppers with + egg and scrap sauce (leftover bits of parsley, cilantro, oregano, thyme, scallion & carrot tops, oil and vin).