This is temporary

Some days start late.. today is one of them. I did not sleep very well. That is an understatement. I slept like crap. Too much on my mind, perhaps. So I am out of it. I didn’t get to my breakfast the way I like & I am feeling crabby or distant or generally unamused & even a little daffy. Whatever the combination - this is temporary.

Which is basically the number one thing everything has in common. Good or bad. Right or wrong. Sleep deprived or fully present... It is all temporary. Another lovely lesson I have learned & accepted in sobriety. Knowing this deeply is what gets us through the uncomfortable moments when we want to say “fuck it” & fall into a bottle of Malbec.. or tequila.

When I stepped outside with my tea this morning, to get a feel for what the world is doing today, I saw these beautiful late blooms on the morning glory vine that is growing up my staircase. They are so big, beautiful & delicate. They only last a day or two before they wither & fall. Again, temporary. Because sometimes temporary is truly beautiful I snapped a photo of the best in show to share with all of you. I hope you all find a way to enjoy each moment today - for whatever it has to offer.
xo - B

It’s stinky but I like it

Day 286: Quinoa with sea veg, kimchi, a perfect egg, bloobs and kiwi.

Kimchi used to be a part of my hangover cure and incorporating it into my diet was (unknowingly) one of the first steps I took on my path to sobriety. I had eaten it before here and there but never with any regularity or intention until I read that kimchi was the new Prozac. I was wicked depressed and eating fermented cabbage seemed worlds easier than making the big changes I really needed to. Duh. So, I started making a weekly kimchi stew. This stuff was my savior and a sign that somewhere deep down I still gave a shit about myself. Brothy.. spicy.. with little silken tofu and a whole lotta gojuchang and kimchi. It made me sweat which had to be a big part of what made me feel better as I had plenty of toxins to release. I usually made it on Sunday nights - when I felt like chewed gum - after a weekend of partying with all the hopes that it would dance my brain chemistry around and out of its depression or magically make my shitty choices somehow work for me. I did this week after month until one day I wondered… what if ALL the good in this food didn’t have to contest with the booze? I knew that alcohol is a depressant. I knew it was tanking mood AND creating an after shock of anxiety that lingered for days - and caused me to drink more. I realized that had been trying to have it both ways and as long as I kept that up anything I tried would be a bandaid. Luckily by the time I finally quit drinking I had already incorporated something into my diet that would be make a huge difference in my sobriety. Delicious, fermented, positively probiotic - kimchi. It provided me with a weekly ritual and it helped to rebuild my microbiome. That is where 90% of our bodies serotonin and 50% of dopamine are produced. With facts like that it is clear this is a huge priority. It could even make all the difference in ones ability to stay sober. It gets mega bonus points for the ability to combat some other health issues that can come from alcohol and substance abuse, such as:

Candida // Inflammation // Weight gain // Premature aging // High cholesterol
Higher risk of Osteoporosis

AND it has loads of potassium which I was talking about yesterday. Sold? You can make it yourself (it honestly isn’t that intimidating) or buy it at the farmers market or grocery store. I like the Mother in Laws Kimchi brand quite a bit and they have a vegan option. A++.

Let’s wrap this up with hunky Brad from Bon Appétit making a little kimchi in the test kitchen, shall we?

Change

Today my neighborhood is loosing one of it’s farms. Yes, luckily we are blessed with a few but.. this one has been my favorite. Eden.. that’s what they called it. And rightfully so. I walk or ride my bike there two times a week and it has been that way for years. This land fed me through quarantine. The lovely folks who tend to it donated food to a recovery center I worked with. They have been my neighbors and a beautiful part of the culture in this place I call home. Beyond feeding me this farm played a big roll in the early days of my sobriety. Like many of us who quit drinking I found I had more time for hobbies. I bought a camera. A Pentax K100, like the one I had in high school. I took with me to the farm every week for a year. I was newly waking up with sun and the farm was on the same schedule. It was constantly shifting and growing too. In a variety of big and small ways. Some overwhelmingly obvious and others like a rumor. All of it had this rhythm that I needed to reconnect with. I was so out of touch with myself. I needed sun and dirt. I needed to witness things get dug up to make room for new crops. New seasons. I needed to be reminded that everything eventually becomes compost. How the ease of the morning sun becomes relentlessly bright, wilting everything in its path before it stretches out and breaks into shadows around rush hour. The process and evolution of it all was something I had forgotten. but could relate to. In a very grounded and natural way. Bringing my camera along helped me remember that there is always another perspective. I am so grateful for these photos now. Not simply because soon that land will have yet another condo building on it.. but because they remind me how beautiful change can be despite how challenging and uncomfortable it tends to feel in the moment. I will miss the convenience and the energy if the farm but I’m comforted in knowing that they are not done. They are simply moving to a new space. I hope their new neighbors appreciate them as much as I have.

Here are some favorites from that year. I shot black white film almost exclusively at the time and I think it was because so much of me wanted the world to be simple like that. If you’d like to see more shots from the farm or if you want to see some other places I wandered around aimlessly with my camera they can be found here.

Day 185: Scrambled eggs with pesto and Parmesan.. with my attempt at a gluten free savory zucchini bread… was it the worst thing I’ve ever made? No. But It was dry enough to have me worried that I might choke to death alone in my apartment and become a statistic. So thumbs down on this experiment.

I love your guts

You can follow your gut. You can listen to your gut. You might remember a time you told someone you hated their guts, I know I am guilty (sorry about that).. But today I am here to tell you that I love your guts! Guts are synonymous with courage and if you have quit drinking, well, guts is what you have got. Now, it is my goal to help in repairing the damage done while you were bellied up at the bar. Alcohol can wreak havoc on your digestive tract (THIS lets you know that liquid courage is alway a bad idea). Around 70% of your immune system lives in your guts and seeing as we are going through a pandemic we can not afford to damage its home with booze. It’s time to love our own guts to arm and support our body’s natural defense system. Over the next week we will be talking about ways to get your gut back into fighting shape. Foods, fatty acids, natural anti-inflammatory agents, vitamins and supplements (if you are into that sort of thing). While breakfast here today is a real stunner (imho) the thing that makes it ultra good for me is actually not visible. The salad is dress in orange juice and Udo’s 3*6*9 Blend. It is made with organic flax, sesame, sunflower seed and coconut oil. It provides a balanced ratio of Omega Fatty Acids. I use it like I would any bright flavored olive oil. It does NOT want to be heated. So, on salads, in juices, blended into smoothies, pestos and hummus it goes. Would hummi be the way to pluralize hummus? If so I am digging that. Anyway.. Beyond Udo’s that side of avocado (that we all know costs extra) is a great source of essential fatty acids. You can also add salmon, mackerel, sardines and tuna to your diet. Chia, flax and walnuts too. And last but never least.. The Incredible Eddible Egg.. you don’t even have to eat it naked to get the benefits.

Day 183: Kale, orange, scallions, bloobs, beet kimchi with Udo’s 3*6*9. hemp hearts, chia seeds and crunchy quinoa

When you’re smilin’..

Quarantine can be a little gloomy and monotonous at times.. but I’m not ready to give in. We all have a secret list of cure-all’s that thrill us. I happen to love Louis Prima. So when I woke up and didn’t know what day it was and quickly realized it didn’t entirely matter, I put some on turned up the stereo. What we choose to engage with is one way we hone our own power. It is everyone’s job to be mindful of what we give our attention to. We lose when we give it to “those people”, the daily news, too much sad bastard music, overly processed foods, self limiting beliefs, the ego, the past, etc. Small doses, if any, of all that shit. If things have gotten too blue try the now, a great tune and a little messin’ around in the kitchen instead. With the right ingredients you can keep your mood in check. I grabbed some beets at the farm today for that very reason. They are chock full of tryptophan & betaine which have been scientifically proven to boost your sense of well being. Plus they are so gawd damn pretty. All of that makes me smile. And not to be simple or down right annoying but honestly, we need smiles right now. They are contagious.

Day 105: Quinoa (for some protein), kale, red cabbage and golden beets tossed in olive oil and grapefruit juice (for Betaine, Iron, Anthocyanins, vitamins C & K), avocado and Greek yogurt dressing with herbs (potassium, calcium, vitamin B6, more protein, vitamin C and a little probiotic). Eight minute egg on the side for that sunny stare and a little omega 3’s.