Value

Today someone told me to say ‘no’ to things that feel heavy and ‘yes’ to what feels expensive. I really liked this piece of advice and quickly set off to over analyze it. I felt like it challenged the tune I’ve been dancing to for most of my life. I have been endlessly intrigued by things that feel heavy. Some kind of heroine/martyr complex, no doubt. Or perhaps it was too much Nietzsche at an early age. Taking that “life is suffering” stuff to heart. I think I may have scoffed had someone dropped this suggestion on me a few years ago. Even now, the bratty punk rock kid that still lives somewhere inside of me is really put off by the idea of expensive being the preference when struggling, having something to complain about and bragging rights are an option. Managing something heavy (aka being burdened) sounds like work. While I have joked that ‘work’ is my least favorite four letter word, work is a place where we often find purpose. A place to prove ourselves. Expensive sounds material, shiny, superficial.. Nonessential. Or maybe it is something I previously believed I was undeserving of..? This gem has been tumbling around in my head a lot today. Smoothing it out at some moments and making it harder than it had to be at others. Eventually I took what she said to mean… the weight of something does not necessarily dictate its value. To consider the cost of what you set your sights on. And last but not least, you deserve nice things. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Maybe someone else needed to hear this today. Who else is ready to warm up to expensive?

Day 189: Coffee cake, yogurt and blueberries.. I regret everything (accept the blueberries). Starting the day off with cake did not serve me at all. My mind felt dull and scattered. My energy levels were blah or resting at a flu blast “never mind”.I was irritable and tense by noon. Could have been the cause of my overthinking. Maybe I am too sensitive but cake for breakfast is a supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again.

Friday’s… ain’t what they used to be.

Friday’s have lost their luster in my world.. between quarantine, sobriety and geez, let’s call it celibacy… Friday is like Thursday or Tuesday. Just another day. Another hangover free day, thankfully. I was thinking though if I could relive any Friday night ever which would it be? Instantly I remembered when Friday’s started with my mom dropping me off at the roller skating rink with my best friend Gabe. Our hair always heavily teased. Friendship bracelets stacked up on our wrists. Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers liberally applied. We said “like” way too much and always got in trouble for chewing gum on the rink. We felt so rebellious. Gum! Can you imagine? We would skate in circles until we had blisters or they killed the lights and made us leave. Whichever came first. In remembrance of those innocent, stellar Friday nights.. I made a little Skate Nite mix. I will 100% be adding to this. Slow skate, fast skate, backwards and couples! Please send suggestions!

Day 188: Leftovers and scrambled eggs. A classic move. Potatoes, scallions, roasted poblano pepper, corn, & shishitos (aka shi-shi’s) with cilantro and sunflower sprouts. Fruit on the side.

Please allow me to introduce myself..

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of new readers and I thought “Maybe I should re-introduce myself…” and then I realized that I had never formally done that to begin with. So, hey! I am Bonnie Rue and I really, truly appreciate you taking the time to visit this little virtual corner of the world. A little bit about me… I have been called woo-ey, empathic, bratty, sarcastic and challenging. All compliments, clearly but I would really like to be remembered as omnivorous, curious, perceptive, creative and kind. I work as a private chef and integrative nutrition coach in Austin, Tx (originally from Dallas, in case the big hair didn’t give it away). I am sober and loving it. It is what lead to me studying nutrition in the first place. I wanted to work with people in recovery. To teach them how to stabilize their mood, care for themselves and heal their systems through colorful, healthy and nutritious food. This new direction presented itself to me while I was working as a chef at a small recovery center. It became obvious that nearly everyone who changed the way they ate felt less anxious and were in turn less likely to relapse. I loved seeing them transform and commit to it. So I enrolled in school and now I get to support and cheer people on as they change their lives and become the fullest expression of themselves. I never imagined any of this for me but I could not be more thrilled! This is the first job I have ever had that gives me a true sense of purpose. I have found my path! Trust me, I looked everywhere. Over the years I have worked as a… Booking agent, fashion designer, head of marketing, phone psychic, bar tender, nanny, PA, stage manager and pizza slinger extraordinaire. To name a few. I did really love making pizza.. pizza makes people very happy but, not very healthy. Ergo, pie and purpose are two different things.

Beyond work and sobriety? I am crowding 40 and feeling 25. My hobbies include painting, drawing, talking to my plants, feeling awesome, solo dance parties, collecting vintage food themed jigsaw puzzles, yoga, foraging, thinking about minimalism, thinking about every-thing.. cruising around on my bike, befriending neighborhood cats and playing with my food.

So, that’s me. If you or someone you know could benefit from working with a health coach I will have room to take on 5 new clients at the end of August. Consultations are free. Email me to schedule yours today, bonnie@nakedandeggs.com.

Day 194: Arugula, avocado, beet kimchi (spicy!), sunflower sprouts, mango, bloobs, serrano peppers and pumpkin seeds, dressed in foraged lime and Udo’s 3*6*9.

A for Effort

Focus on the effort - not the results.. that is what they say. This is a good rule of thumb when it comes to engaging with other people. It is true after all. The only thing we control is the effort we put in. The rest of it is out of our hands. We have no say over what someone else might do. How they may react or respond. I am beginning to believe that this may apply to gluten free baking as well. I feel like I’ve been showing up but something isn’t being reciprocated. I remain patient and optimistic but no longer have any expectations. That being said I have to admit it.. the zucchini bread hurt my feelings (and my jaw). So I got up this morning to give it one last go. I got the waffle iron piping hot and set out to make some “redemption waffles”… Sunday is a good day for redemption. I had to keep trying. My gluten free experiments have felt like throwing pasta at the wall and watching it hit the floor, repeatedly. For the record, I am willing to bet that gluten is what makes pasta stick to the wall in the first place. I just want to simply be okay at this. I like an alternative or progressive recipe. I want to be able to omit, replace and make substitutions in the kitchen, on the fly. I feel like I pulled it off this time! I am pretty satisfied with these here waffles. Sure I could see them being forcibly removed from a Waffle House at 2am for being nuts but that’s a right of passage. Right? I kid. That only happened to me once and it was because I played 1999 on the jukebox 12 times in a row. They were the ones who gave me all those quarters! Haters gonna hate. But anyone who gave this recipe a spin couldn’t honestly hate these waffles.

Day 186: Almond flour waffles with peanut butter, blueberries and bananas. Topped with more bananas, fresh bloobs, maple syrup and seeds. Pro tip: mix all your favorite seeds in a jar and leave it on your table with the salt and pepper to garnish everything. Get that extra nutrients in.

1 large egg (separated)
1/2 cup almond flour
2 Tbsp preferred sweetener (I used brown sugar because that’s what I had)
1/2 tsp gluten free baking powder
1/4 tsp sea salt (use sea salt of the mineral content)
2 Tbsp peanut butter (or any nut butter, peanut is what I had on hand)
1/4 unsweetened almond milk
2 Tbsp butter or coconut oil
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 banana
1/4 cup bloobs aka blueberries

Whisk together all your dry ingredients in a big bowl.
Melt your butter (or coconut oil) and nut butter together
Slice your banana into 1/4 inch thick pieces
Whip your egg whites until stiff (do this with a hand mixer unless you are glutton for punishment)
Now it’s time to add all the wet stuff to your dry stuff together but save the egg whites for last and gently fold them in. You want the volume of the egg whites to lift the batter.

Grease your waffle iron and add 1/2 a cup of batter per waffle. Throw some banana slices and blueberries on top then close it up. I let my waffles cook a little longer so they’re crispy and the fruit gets a chance to caramelize. You can peak in on them from time to time. Takes no more than 6 or 7 minutes.

Change

Today my neighborhood is loosing one of it’s farms. Yes, luckily we are blessed with a few but.. this one has been my favorite. Eden.. that’s what they called it. And rightfully so. I walk or ride my bike there two times a week and it has been that way for years. This land fed me through quarantine. The lovely folks who tend to it donated food to a recovery center I worked with. They have been my neighbors and a beautiful part of the culture in this place I call home. Beyond feeding me this farm played a big roll in the early days of my sobriety. Like many of us who quit drinking I found I had more time for hobbies. I bought a camera. A Pentax K100, like the one I had in high school. I took with me to the farm every week for a year. I was newly waking up with sun and the farm was on the same schedule. It was constantly shifting and growing too. In a variety of big and small ways. Some overwhelmingly obvious and others like a rumor. All of it had this rhythm that I needed to reconnect with. I was so out of touch with myself. I needed sun and dirt. I needed to witness things get dug up to make room for new crops. New seasons. I needed to be reminded that everything eventually becomes compost. How the ease of the morning sun becomes relentlessly bright, wilting everything in its path before it stretches out and breaks into shadows around rush hour. The process and evolution of it all was something I had forgotten. but could relate to. In a very grounded and natural way. Bringing my camera along helped me remember that there is always another perspective. I am so grateful for these photos now. Not simply because soon that land will have yet another condo building on it.. but because they remind me how beautiful change can be despite how challenging and uncomfortable it tends to feel in the moment. I will miss the convenience and the energy if the farm but I’m comforted in knowing that they are not done. They are simply moving to a new space. I hope their new neighbors appreciate them as much as I have.

Here are some favorites from that year. I shot black white film almost exclusively at the time and I think it was because so much of me wanted the world to be simple like that. If you’d like to see more shots from the farm or if you want to see some other places I wandered around aimlessly with my camera they can be found here.

Day 185: Scrambled eggs with pesto and Parmesan.. with my attempt at a gluten free savory zucchini bread… was it the worst thing I’ve ever made? No. But It was dry enough to have me worried that I might choke to death alone in my apartment and become a statistic. So thumbs down on this experiment.

Imagine..

A world where people put the same effort into voting as they do yelping… imagine a world where people could tell you the voting stats of their state representatives instead of how many yards some football player ran last season. Imagine a world where people would stand in line to vote for as long as they willingly stand in line for Franklin BBQ. Now, go make that world a reality. Do it for you and all the people who live around you. We can not afford to be apathetic. Engage. Communicate your desires for the community you live in. We‘ve all seen something. Don’t shrug off your opportunity to say something.

Day 177: Almond muffin, coconut butter and blueberries. I stopped by Fleet on my way home from voting for a little treat. Delightful. I got an iced chai too so I’m a little jazzed up. The muffin was baked by Sour Duck. I’m here to say that they make a fine muffin.

..existentially punked..

During my morning meditation I had many more intrusive thoughts than usual. I was on the verge of yelling “quiet down now!” But I have never been the kind of person who shuts up on demand so.. I sat there just letting my mind run it’s mouth. It reminded me of the anxiety I used to feel when I was hungover. Yuck. Thought after thought in a wheel.. I was trying to give myself a break. Things have been stressful lately. Everything is so up in the air right now. Literally and figuratively. Day by day I feel like I have less control. Within the hour, as I was cleaning out a drawer and I came across a note I had scribbled who knows when, it read..

“The quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with..”

WTF.. I would be lying if I said it didn’t creep me out a little. It was too on the nose. I mean, I looked over my shoulder. It felt like I was being existentially punked. I decided to steer clear of the other drawers as I was uncertain as to what other poignant truths lurked inside of them. Just as I felt my spirit sink from reading this timely message the little voice in my head said “wait a minute.. I LOVE UNCERTAINTY!” I would even go as far as to say I get off on it. Historically I have been bored nearly to death by the predictable. In fact “predictable” was once one of my favorite insults to sling around. So one of two things is happening here. Either the level of uncertainty has reached critical mass OR I have some how forgotten who The Fuhk I AM. I’m going with the latter. I can manage a perspective shift but have little control at the moment over all this external mayhem.

I am curious though.. What perspective shift would benefit you right now?

Day 175: Coconut milk yogurt with watermelon tossed in lime, mint, basil and serranos + strawberries, bloobs, crunchy quinoa, chia and nasturtium flowers.

Tonglen

Heading out into the world this morning, I felt.. heavy. Physically. Emotionally. Like overcooked oatmeal that you have to scrape out of the pot and thwack off of the soon. It was a tired kind of miserable that takes some elbow grease to scrub off of you… just when you’re out of elbow grease. I tried to stretch it out last night as I watched the thunder dance around in the windows. I told myself I would wake up and feel better, lighter. It didn’t happen though. My mood drew me back to the pages of Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart. I think everyone would benefit from having a copy of this on their shelf. It’s full of gems like “we can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. The effort is the same.” Fair. Ouch. I’ve leaned into this book a few times in my life while I swept up a sad mess. The biggest take away has always been Tonglen. This Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice dates back to the 11th Century when leprosy was running rampant and suffering was at all time high. Tonglen is contrived of two terms “tong” which means “letting go” and “len” which means accepting. Two things you could say I have struggled with. This is exactly the sort of thing that the smoking, spitting, riotous little punk rock girl that lives inside of me scoffs at. But she’s a young angry jerk and so I send a little tonglen to her too when I practice. The goal is to shift our attitude towards pain and to open up the heart. To become more loving and kind as we melt through the pain around us. The practice is focused on taking the pain of others and breathing it in fully. Allowing them to relax and find peace. It is designed to help awaken our compassion and use it to help and heal others. I highly recommend it and if you want to join me there is a guided meditation below.

Day 138: Marinated Salad: Kale, mint, cucumber, peach and blueberries marinated in a quick summery dressing. Garnished with sun flower sprouts. It works like ceviche. You that raw experience but the citrus and oils break down the greens a bit blend with the fruit making it delicious and easier to digest. Kale works well because it is so sturdy. This would not be something you want to do with spinach or arugula. It will faint, fold and wilt in this application. Cabbage, kale, Romaine hearts.. they can handle it.

Dressing:
1 lime juiced
1 Tbs coconut oil
Pinch of Himalayan sea salt
1/2 oz of kombucha (I added this just before I started eating it simply because it was in my hand and it was the last splash before I tossed the bottle in the recycle. 10 of 10 would splash again).

Toss the greens in the dressing and give them an aggressive squeeze to begin the “cooking” process. Then add all the other goods, give it a toss and let them settle in together. Let it chill for 20/30 minutes and then eat! Huzzah!

P.S. I am pretty into how intense my mask + adult blanket (Kaffiyah) combo is.. I’ve been dragging this kaffiyah around with me for 5 or 6 years now. It saves me from the arctic style air conditioning that Texas loves so much during the summer and makes me feel less socially anxious.. although I think this look might make others anxious. What can you do?

The obstacle is the path…

Last night I set out for a late night bike ride to burn off the energies and clear my mind before bed. My bike choked up and I ended up kicking rocks and walking home in the dark. Dragging my bike with me like a cat on a leash. Wanting someone to know where I was (and desiring to complain about the injustice of it all) I called my best friend. She was awesome as always. She just listened to me conjure up new curse words for the situation until I got it out of my system without interjecting or offering a sunny spin on things… like I probably would have done. *shame* Once my pouty party was over we started talking about the day ahead. The things we needed to do, the things we wanted to do and ultimately the many things we were dreading and ways we could potentially avoid them. After throwing out some playful ways we could skirt responsibility and turn procrastination into a pro sport she said “yeah but the obstacle is the path. We know this.” And we laughed until we sighed. She is right. What stands in the way becomes the way. It doesn’t feel great but it’s comical... That thing you want is on the other side of that thing you don’t want. Leaving us to wonder ‘who put that there?!’ and reminding us that to truly have it ALL means you are probably not going to like it all.. but as my mother would say “It’s good for you!” In conclusion.. Tuesday is the new Monday. I hope you are feeling well rested from all that celebratory social distancing you did yesterday. That you’re rah-rah-ready to examine, devillainize and tackle the obstacles that lead your way. Success lies on the other side. Be it sobriety, a baller career, an ass you can bounce quarters off of or that dreamy partner in crime your heart has been searching for.

Day 136: Last nights soup… Round 2. Bone broth, carrots, potatoes, cabbage, mushrooms, mung beans and kale. Seasoned with Turmeric, cinnamon, garlic, fenugreek, salt, brown mustard seeds, coriander, cumin, ginger, cayenne, cardamom, black pepper and cloves. It’s soupier than it looks. I shredded some fresh greens and ladled the soup over it. Then I put more greens on top. Because? As above, so below. Plus bonus greens are good and it adds texture.

XO, Sugar

Last night a friend hit me up, looking for some advice on battling the sugar cravings that come with sobriety. I was touched that he wanted my advice and I was pretty proud to not be cuddling with a bag of cookies when his text rolled in. Which was a completely normal way for me to spend my time when I first quit drinking. I can’t honestly think of a drug I have never tried (most of them repeatedly) and sugar is by far the hardest one to quit. One it is very hard to avoid if you eat anything processed. Which most of us do. Two we grow up being taught that it is THE reward. Birthdays, good report cards and victorious soccer games come with sugar on top. It tastes like winning. When I got sober I stocked up on all the sweet treats. To reward myself and stay sane. My peanut butter cereal intake was shameful. If you dug through my purse at that time you would have been shocked by the wide variety of gummy candies I was able to get my hands on.. peach flavored penguins, cherry-esk Cadillacs, tiny coke bottles, chewy rats and tiny pineapple flavored fried eggs.. I was obsessed. On top of that I took myself out for ice cream, a lot. I day dreamed of a world where pie was made out of cookies, piled in soft serve and sprinkled with pop rocks. It gave me a tremendous amount of guilt and acne.. which I tried to cure with seemingly healthy smoothies from JuiceLand. It’s true, we replace the behavior. Sugar, sex, shopping.. it’s easy enough to do. Eventually, while shamelessly making out with an ice cream sandwich I realized I still had a problem. I didn’t go cold turkey. I knew sugar was screwing up my circadian rhythm and trashing my skin but it had a hold on me! I started by replacing the Noah’s Ark of gummies that my purse had become with tiny oranges and dried mango. I quit going out for ice cream (saving it only for first dates and special occasions) and opted for wickedly dark chocolate and a cup of licorice peppermint tea as my post dinner snack instead. It was sweet enough to kill the cravings and quickly became one of my favorite rituals that I still enjoy today. Then there was water. When I found myself wanting to concoct some hulkingly sweet diabetic nightmare I made myself drink water. I had to pee A LOT back then. I never did cut out sugar completely but I changed my relationship with it. The gummies are still MIA and in their place is a large variety of fruit that I dig into, guilt free. Turns out you can scratch the itch and nourish yourself too. And without further ado..

Day 135: Texas Peaches with yogurt, basil, mint, crunchy quinoa and blueberries. Eating seasonal fruit can help re-regulate our systems and taste buds to a natural and nourishing sugar experience. On this plate, bite by bite I am boosting my immune system, taking care of my skin and lowering my risk of cancer. The peaches, mint and yogurt aid in my digestion and make me less farty. If you’re wondering where the protein is look no further than the yogurt and quinoa. P.S. When eating peaches don’t forget to suck the pit 🖤

Stretching through the storm..

I skipped yoga this morning. I wanted to wait for the rain. My front door opens up to an empty yard. I can throw my mat down in the doorway and stretch out alone. Watch the world have it’s bath. Everyone can keep their yoga with a twist. Be it goat yoga or death metal yoga or my least favorite… beer yoga*. I’ll take mine straight up with a splash of rain when I can get it. Once upon a time I had decided to go to a “naked on top of a sky scraper” yoga class in manhattan but I stayed out all night drinking tequila and throwing darts with a bunch of Danes instead. I guess you could say I missed the elevator. I was so optimistic in my twenties. Part of me honestly believed I could do both things. Maybe that is what growing up is.. learning which limitations are worth pushing past and that whole filing taxes business. They say it will rain for days. I am going to leave my mat in front of the door in hopes that they’re right this time.

Day 134: Sautéed kale, peppers, tart apples and mushrooms with quinoa, avocado, tahini and herbed yogurt. Pomegranate and blackberry juice on the side. I snacked on the worlds most perfect mango while I prepped breakfast. Heaven.

*I don’t mean to trash talk anyone’s good time. Everyone should do what feels right for them. Personally I just feel that adding a pint to your yoga practice defeats the purpose.

Duets

The day began by juicing watermelon & mint. Summertime in a glass. Then there was dancing last nights dinner into a leaner, greener take on steak & eggs. Thinking it was going to rain all day (and since I already have a sunburn) the plan was to ride out the remainder in bed with a book. The rain never came but I chose to stay the course. High thread count sheets and The Hermetica hit the spot. A simple day of recharging in the land of classic duo’s.

Day 133: Left over steak, with kale, shiitake mushrooms, Hungarian wax peppers, fairytale eggplant and leeks cooked in coconut oil + fried egg on top and juice from the old kimchi jar. Watermelon and mint juice on the side.

Have a snack. Love what you do.

I get to work from home in my bikini.. taking juice breaks and eating dolled up toddler snacks. If heaven had a pregame routine this would be it. I get to talk to people about their health all day and find ways to support them in improving it… what blissed out existence is this?! If you want to make any changes to your lifestyle, livliness or hell, even your waistline hit me up. Consultations are free for a limited time.

Day 131: Toddler’s dream snack plate.. bananas, peanut butter with a lil honey, yogurt, coconut butter, bloobs chia seeds and cacao nibs. Green juice on the side. Cucumber, apple, kale and mint topped off with coconut water.

The Present Is A Gift

Today I said something that once upon a time made me cringe and shoot daggers out of my eyeballs. “The present is a gift!” Anytime this cliche has ever been uttered to me (AT me) I immediately thought “let’s hang on to the receipt.” But today it danced out of my own mouth with no negativity trailing behind it. Who am I?! Rather.. who have I been? A so fuhcking cranky and so purely angry human being. That’s who. Thinking back on how angry I’ve been for so much of my life I feel a few things. 1. What a waste of time.. 2 I feel like laughing. Because well, laughing is never a waste of time. Huzzah! 3. I have a lot of empathy for past Bonnie. I like to say she was provoked but more than that she was just scared and oh so very sad. 4. I am mildly concerned about the toll she may have taken on our liver. Between the drinking and the simmering rage it may have left a mark. In traditional Chinese medicine anger is the emotion associated with the liver. It makes sense. Your liver has over 500 functions. I, myself, have maybe 7 functions that I am aware of and I often feel vexed. I can’t imagine a to do list that’s 500 deep. It detoxifies our bodies around the clock. That is dirty work. It sorts out our cholesterol and keeps those troublesome hormones in check too. I imagine my liver to be the Marie Kondo of my body. She’s in there trying like hell to tidy up and for most of my life, instead of helping, I kept dragging things in that did not truly bring me joy. I was just like “Yo, Marie! Did you know wine comes in a box?!” My liver had every right to be pissed. In the present moment, in this total gift of time, I am eating a meal designed to help her function at her very best. It is bringing me joy.

Day 129: Quinoa, kale, chard, garlic shoots, sprouts, mushrooms, kimchi and grapes. I drizzled coconut oil and ume plum vinegar on top. Your liver likes sour stuff. It also likes green stuff, fresh stuff, fermented stuff and whole grains. If you feel angry or are easily agitated check in with your liver. Beyond changing what you eat, changing when and how you eat will make a big difference. Cut out snacks a few hours before you go to bed so your liver has less to clean up and repair while you sleep. And whatever you do… do not over eat. It causes stagnation. And if your liver is feeling stuck it’s likely you will feel stuck in your life too. Take it from one who knows.