If you are feeling down..

Here we are - a week into Dry January! I hope you’re all hanging in and feeling ok. I know the news has a lot of people feeling stressed and depressed. Looks like America couldn’t even make it a full week into the new year without another fit of divisive disintegration. We have so much healing that needs to be done. It starts with ourselves. Always. On that note, If you find yourself lacking energy, feeling weak, anxious, depressed, unable to focus or at the mercy of one chaotic mood swing after another - you might have a B vitamin deficiency. Which would make sense if your are newly in recovery. B vitamins are water soluble so, drinking means that once we “break the seal” they all quite literally go down the toilet. Not ideal. Our body does not produce B vitamins so we have to get it from the food we eat or supplements. These MVP’s keep the body energized by converting our food into energy and creating red blood cells which are responsible for carrying oxygen to your muscles. They also ensure that your immune and nervous system are working properly. In fact it is vital in the production of neurotransmitters, especially dopamine, serotonin and GABA. All essential for feeling calm, sleeping well, experiencing pleasure, being happy, ya know - our general well-being.

There are plenty of delicious things you can eat to get all your necessary B vitamins. Leafy greens, eggs, yogurt, salmon, avocado, legumes, bananas, plantains, tofu, pork and chicken breast.. to name a few.

Day 363: Last night I did not sleep so well. My dreams were less than great and I blame it on consuming too much news. I woke up this morning and I just wanted something beautiful. I wasn’t very hungry but if I have learned anything over the past year it is that skipping breakfast means things will get a little dark and bitchy by 2pm. So.. something simple, nourishing and beautiful to balance out all the chaos and negativity from yesterday. Bavarian yogurt, pumpkin seeds, a few raisins, almonds, some toasted pine nuts leftover from last nights dinner, half an apple and a turmeric, honey syrup I whipped up with a little fermented pineapple shrub that I made a while back. So damn good. I could have used a splash of any kombucha but that’s not what was around. Point is - work with what you got. Get creative.

Ritual

A big part of addiction is ritual. The happy hour and the nightcap. The uncorking of a wine bottle. The salt, tequila, lime. Crushing an empty beer can. Flipping a cigarette in a new box of smokes because it’s “lucky”.. These little acts serve to reassure us and create stability. To bridge the past and the present. To give us sacred moments in the mundanity of our day to day. Applied to the wrong stuff and these sacred moments can hurt us. Over time we unconsciously glorify hurting ourselves and then I t becomes part of who we are. These rituals can be so hard to let go of as there is a romance to them. The memories of them play out in our mind like a soft porn, rosy, dream sequence with perfect lighting - without the reality of consequence. In recovery it can haunt us though. Especially if we do not take the time to craft new rituals. For me personally, when it gets cold I get nostalgic about an evening cigarette outside, with a book and a glass of red wine in the dark brisk air. When I got curious about the desire I found I liked the coziness between the contrast of warm and cool sensations. Because I am forever a person who wants it both ways, apparently. So I started drawing nightly baths with a dose of magnesium. I read in the tub and then finish with a cool shower - for contrast, to have it both ways. The magnesium is not only great for my skin but it makes my muscles feel amazazing and soothes my nervous system, bringing the day to a close… it gets bonus points for creating zero headaches and not making me smell like an ashtray.

I mentions magnesium quite a bit because it is imperative to a healthy functioning body. Most of it lives in our bones but it is found in every cel of our being and having a magnesium deficiency (which 50% of Americans are believed to be lacking) can really leave our bodies and minds limping.
Over imbibing on the reg and the poor diet that comes with it often leads to magnesium deficiency. This is why chronic alcoholics often end up with osteoporosis. It also causes high blood pressure, arrhythmia, anxiety, apathy, depression, muscle twitches, cramps and over all fatigue. So.. bathe in it and get it on to your plate. Some of my favorite sources include:

• Dark chocolate

• Pumpkin seeds

• Quinoa

• Avocado

• Spinach

• Cashews

• Almonds

• BATHS - Magnesium bath flakes are made from magnesium chloride which is different than Epsom salts. They contain magnesium sulfate. Although both are a form of magnesium, magnesium chloride is much better suited for topical application. Magnesium chloride is the best choice because of its clinical and pharmacological effects, and its lower tissue toxicity as compared to magnesium sulfate. Magnesium chloride is more easily assimilated, and therefore more bioavailable or absorbed and utilized by the body.

Day 318: baked sweet potato with kimchi, avocado, sunflower sprouts, a soft boiled egg and some bloobs.

..existentially punked..

During my morning meditation I had many more intrusive thoughts than usual. I was on the verge of yelling “quiet down now!” But I have never been the kind of person who shuts up on demand so.. I sat there just letting my mind run it’s mouth. It reminded me of the anxiety I used to feel when I was hungover. Yuck. Thought after thought in a wheel.. I was trying to give myself a break. Things have been stressful lately. Everything is so up in the air right now. Literally and figuratively. Day by day I feel like I have less control. Within the hour, as I was cleaning out a drawer and I came across a note I had scribbled who knows when, it read..

“The quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with..”

WTF.. I would be lying if I said it didn’t creep me out a little. It was too on the nose. I mean, I looked over my shoulder. It felt like I was being existentially punked. I decided to steer clear of the other drawers as I was uncertain as to what other poignant truths lurked inside of them. Just as I felt my spirit sink from reading this timely message the little voice in my head said “wait a minute.. I LOVE UNCERTAINTY!” I would even go as far as to say I get off on it. Historically I have been bored nearly to death by the predictable. In fact “predictable” was once one of my favorite insults to sling around. So one of two things is happening here. Either the level of uncertainty has reached critical mass OR I have some how forgotten who The Fuhk I AM. I’m going with the latter. I can manage a perspective shift but have little control at the moment over all this external mayhem.

I am curious though.. What perspective shift would benefit you right now?

Day 175: Coconut milk yogurt with watermelon tossed in lime, mint, basil and serranos + strawberries, bloobs, crunchy quinoa, chia and nasturtium flowers.