Taking a day to drag the needle back to zero. To catch up with my people. To treat myself and get grounded. I met with some clients this morning and once again felt grateful to get to work with such wonderful people. Kicking it off with a little Leonard Cohen and some scrambled eggs made for a pretty perfect Sunday.
Day 217: Scrambled eggs with roasted butternut squash, spicy sausage, roasty toasty tomatoes, garlic, Parmesan, spinach and oregano. Side of cantaloupe and bloobs.
I woke up this morning with the sun. Naturally with no alarm. A little gift to my nervous system. Generally I would have some water and then exercise but today I wanted to ground myself in a different way. I went outside and hung out with my plants. Trimming, moving and repotting things. The neighborhood was nice and quiet and I wanted to soak that in. Today I will wrap up a big project for work. I have been at it for months now and I can finally see the finish line. Sharing it with all of you has given me the enthusiasm to power on. I think I will be able to post the finish product tomorrow. Once it is done I will probably turn one of my throw blankets into a cape and ride around the neighborhood on my bike. Like a gawd damn superhero! Until it is time to tie on my cape let’s take a moment for some plant appreciation. Just look at this gorgeous malabar spinach. I grow it every year for many reasons. One, it is a stunner. Two it grows so fast it is nearly super natural itself and three I always have greens on hand. Always. I eat a ton of greens. Why? Because it is like eating the sun. They give you a natural glow. No joke. Each leaf is a little solar panel. While we are all inside they are soaking up the sun. All the live long day. They are full of vital nutrients and information that your body wants and needs. So, grow a thing and eat a thing! It will make you and your surroundings beautiful.
Day 216: Greenest of juice. Coconut water, cucumber, kale, parsley, celery, lemon, b12, Cbd… Eager to get to work I decided to skip cooking today. So I got a juice and some jackfruit carnitas. I’m lucky to live so close to a Juice Land. 🖤
Today is the 57th anniversary of the March on Washington. Where Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his momentous ‘I Have A Dream’ speech calling for an end to racism here in America. I was reading about this before I went to bed last night. Reminded that he deviated from the speech he had prepared and began to improvise. I love that. That is such a powerful decision. I don’t know what the original plan was but we have all had that moment where we saw an opportunity to just say ‘Fuck it, I am here and I am going for it.’ The truth. Him choosing to be in the moment and to express himself fully was such a gift. It is devastating that all these years later we still have not managed to realize that dream. In another speech in St. Louis he said “ We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.” It hurts my heart that this is something to be learned. Why is it don’t we want to live together? How are we still struggling here?
After I turned in for the night I had some dreams of my own. Mildly salacious with a touch of resistance and revolution. I was in the produce section of a grocery store talking with Bill Hicks. In the dream we knew each other. Yes, my fantasies take place in the produce section. Anyway, he was wearing a suit and didn’t appear to be shopping but he was walking along with me as I picked things up. I asked him what he was doing there and at that moment the store reformed and clearly revealed itself to be a Whole Foods. He motioned upstairs and told me that he was the new CEO. I didn’t know what to say. I asked if he was joking. He laughed and told me no. Then he leaned in close to explain that he was there to take down Bezos. I listened to his plan to over throw the richest man in the world and dismantle his wicked corporation. I got excited. Then without thinking about it I kissed him and he turned beet red. It gets fuzzy from there but at some point after that we were camping.. or perhaps excommunicated from society by lord gawd Bezos himself. It’s hard to say.
Two visionaries gone too soon. Similar messages. Different delivery. We are all one. I guess that’s how my waking and sleeping brain connected these things or maybe taking the Amazon ship down would somehow be a step toward ending racism? Who’s to say?
Day 216: Quinoa, kimchi, blueberries, mango, cilantro and coconut amino acids and oil.
Recently a guy called me a spinster. Part of me is ashamed to say that it has stuck with me. I had never been called that before (not to may face anyway) and it stung. It is word that, to me, sounds like someone who would be fun. It has action. It rhymes with winner. It is fun to say… but we all know that it is widely understood to have an actively negative definition. There is a parade of bleak connotations that follow it. From fussy to bitter. Then there is old, lonely, damaged and ultimately undesirable. It is a term of ridicule. He swore up and down that he did not mean it that way. He even seemed surprise that I might question his intent. Yet he could not explain exactly what it was he did mean by it. Just a friendly observation? So yeah, I have been thinking about it. Mulling it over as I spin through life. By the standard definition he is correct. I am an unmarried woman, beyond the typical age of marriage. And maybe if I were still drinking my nights away that sad little parade of negative descriptors would be correct too. Not that they would have anything to do with my marital status but more so the state of my mind and liver... As it stands though, I am none of those things. Well, maybe old. As someone who grew up in the thick of third wave feminism I have this desire to reclaim Spinster. Make it a positive thing. Something to high five about. Pull power from it, like so many did with Slut in the 90’s.. but in the end that was just spitting into the wind as it led to women authoring their own sexual objectification. It really came back to haunt us. However, if I were to reclaim it or even go as far to petition Webster’s to redefine this word for our modern world it would go a little something like..
Spinster [ spin-ster ]
A woman who prioritizes the development of her mind, career, recreational interests over marital status.
What do you think? Does that feel as good for y’all as it does to me? Should we make T-shirts’?
Day 215: Green detox soup. Kale, zucchini, broccoli, parsley, cilantro, onion, garlic, Udo’s 3*6*9 oil, yogurt, seeds and lemon. Side of green apple.
It’s Wednesday and that means we are talking about awesome women who inspired or in some way supported me in getting sober. Today the spotlight is hitting Jen Sincero. I read her book, You are a Badass at Making Money long before I gave up my barstool but, it set the stage for my departure. Yeah, on it’s face it looks like a book about financial gains and mastering a wealth mindset but at its core it is about realizing your own worth, transforming your reality and finding freedom. Which I feel is the basic recipe for getting and staying sober. I can relate to Jen. Her punk rock past. The years she spent kitting, catering and living in a garage. Her desire for more…and the fear/discomfort around what she had to do to get it. I recommend it to anyone going through any transition in life. I have gifted this book to so many of my friends. It is also available on audiobook and read by Jen herself. Making it easy to revisit. I dip back in about once a year. Each time I get something new out of it. Plus I like her voice and find her story telling comforting, if a bit goofy. But who doesn’t like goofy? So, I raise my cup of tea to Jen, wherever she is! Thanks for the inspiration. Thanks for writing, putting yourself out there and inspiring me to do the same.
Day 214: Rice cake, leftover mashed sweet potatoes, avocado, pesto, soft boiled egg and some malibar spinach from my garden. I love leftovers and some days I love convenience. This is one of those days. I had all of this ready to roll in my fridge. Pre boiled eggs, pesto rah-rah-ready to go on everything and mashed potatoes from last night.
“Soup puts the heart at ease, calms down the violence of hunger, eliminates the tension of the day, and awakens and refines the appetite.”
It is hotter than hades. Despite the unrelenting heat I felt like making soup. Not that I need to explain myself to anyone. I love making soup! It is who I am! It makes me feel at home. When I was cooking for the rehab center I would make a giant pot of soup once a week. It had a nearly magical effect on the place. I would ladle it up and in seconds a space that was generally very chaotic and incredibly loud would come to a full hush. It was fucking beautiful. Pardon my language but that is the only way to describe it. I loved those people but I can love someone and love it when they shut up too. Let’s face it, silence can be really underrated. Maybe soup too for that matter, but not around here. I am in love with it. Me and soup forever. It’s just not fussy. You can put anything in it. There are no rules. It is hydrating. The preparation preserves all the goodness into the broth, making it high in vitamins, minerals and proteins. It’s good when you are feeling good and great when you are feeling terrible (or detoxing and your stomach hates everything). It is easy to share OR SAVE. You can live off of it for a week if you are feeling busy/ lazy and don’t want to be cooking a lot (hi, that’s me). Plus soup just gets a little better each day it is in the fridge. That is a fact. When people tell me they do not like leftovers I get defensive and say “but, what about soup?!”.. c’mon people. Think of the soup! All that being said, I kind of do not care about gazpacho at all. Maybe a watermelon gazpacho and only if no one calls it soup in my presence. Under those circumstances, ok, I’ll bite.. er slurp. Anyway.. I just wanted to talk about soup today. My love. My favorite four letter word.
Day 213: Summer soup: zucchini, garlic, scallions shiitakes, sweet potato, ginger, turmeric, cardamom, cinnamon, black pepper, kale, cilantro, pumpkin seeds and a splash of Udo’s 3*6*9 oil to finish. There is not recipe for this soup. I just grabbed the veggies in my fridge that looked appealing. I chopped them small so they would cook quickly and covered them with bone broth my neighbor gifted me. I added a table spoon of golden paste, a pinch of salt, some black pepper and let it simmer until the potatoes were tender. No sweat. Tip: Don’t put your greens in a soup when you know there will be leftovers. Put them in the bottom of the bowl, fresh and then ladle the soup over them and let them wilt. That way your greens do not go brown when You reheat it. This is a recipe for happiness.
I was doing the Cindy Crawford workout this morning (my favorite because it is deceptively challenging) and during a series of high karate style kicks Cindy mentions the importance of keeping your balance during this move, saying “If you feel a little wobbly concentrate on keeping yourself tall” and I thought that was really great advice for life in general. I wanted to share it with y’all on this lovely, sunny Monday. I hope you have a fantastic start to a wonderful week.
Day 212: It is National Waffle Day! A day I am down to celebrate. Corn bread waffles with peaches, coconut cream and maple syrup. Garnished with chia seeds, hemp hearts, basil, mint and more peaches.
I Sunday-ed like a boss! I got to catch up with old friends, go to the nursery, repot a friends sansevieria, play a little badminton and not spend too much time in front of a screen. This is winning. There were smoothies and spicy shots. Bike rides and philosophical conversations. To top it off I had a really rewarding conversation with a new client. We got vulnerable, came up with a plan and even had some laughs. I got off the phone feeling enlightened, heard, seen, connected and excited. All the feels. Later, on my bike, I had this moment where I was replaying the day and thought “man, who’s life is this?” And I had to laugh because it is awesome and it is mine. If you are going through some uncomfortable changes, keep going. The results are not always visible but occasionally you get a good view.
Day 211: Wondershowzen smoothie from juice land + Hot Shot and B12 shot.
bananas, spinach, hemp protein, peanutbutter (my weakness) and rice milk. The shot has lemon, beet, ginger, apple cider vinegar, noni, oregonal, garlic, cilantro, jalapeño, turmeric and habanero.
I caught up on some much needed sleep last night with the help of some tea I picked up at work. Tea has become a big part of my life in sobriety. I would say my collection could rival anyones liquor cabinet. After my trip my internal clock was all messed up. It had me falling asleep too earlier, waking up in the middle of the night for a spell and then back to bed and up again all groggy. It was a roller coaster of lethargy and I was done with it it. I brewed a cup of sedative tea and TKO! I was knocked out cold. Amazing. The tea is a powerful blend of lavender, skullcap, passionflower and valerian root. Herbs man, they work! I prefer an herbal remedy over western medicine any day. I get that from my mother and I am grateful for it. I love and rely on a lot of teas we make at work. I drink our Flower Power tea for my sexual health. The blend itself is really beautiful and it tastes great. Red raspberry, Nettles, Hibiscus, Calendula, Vitrx berries, Linden flowers and Chamomile. Our Adrenal support tea got me out of a doctors office and back into my life. Now it has completely replaced coffee for me. Not that the transition was easy, I love coffee. I learned to love Nettles, Oatstraw, Rosehips, Borage, Licorice, Wild yam, Schisandra, Red Clover and Stevia though. Soon these teas will be available online I will put them up here on a resource page I have been working on. Until then..
Day 210: Roasted sweet potato, ghee, yogurt, basil pesto (another win for herbs), avocado, fried farm egg and some malibar spinach from my garden. If I had a little breakfast diner I would put this on the menu. It really hits every note. Earthy, sweet, a bit tangy, fatty, filling, fresh, simple and just kinda unexpected.
Deeds, not words. We have all done that thing where we talk about what we are going to do and then.. nothing happens. It is talk. Maybe because we are scared to fail. Scared to be happy. Scared to change. That’s a big one. No matter. My wish for all of us as we head into the weekend is that we simply shut up and take the first step (or that equally scary final step) toward whatever we have been talking about. Whatever it is. Prioritize that this weekend.
Day 209: Cucumber and pineapple salad with cilantro, mint and pink sea salt. Avocado, kimchi and bloobs with a little coconut oil. This was the best avocado I have had all summer. A++
When shopping for avocados I am playing the long game. I grab a few that are still hard. By hard I mean if you threw it at someone during a food fight they would bruise and you would be benched for playing like a jerk. Once home I stash them in a paper bag with the date on them and check to see how they’re coming along as my cravings for avocado come about. If they start to ripen faster than I anticipated I toss them in the fridge to slow things down. This way I waste less time at the store and get to eat more avocados because they haven’t turned to sad mush in the time it takes to put on my flip flops.
Hormones.. ugh, am I right? Balancing out my hormones has been a major focus in my recovery They were really thrown out of whack by all the binge drinking and not eating I did over the years. Many of us go on partying, totally unaware of how drinking can heavily effect our hormone levels and wreak havoc in many areas of our lives. It raises estrogen, lowers progesterone and ultimately puts women at a higher risk for breast cancer. No thank you. Boozing it up also negatively affects our blood sugar levels and our ability to metabolize calcium. This can lead to osteoporosis and that may feel like a far off issue but trust that having your bones give out on you at any juncture in life would truly suck. Speaking of bones.. the hormonal imbalances caused by drinking can also lead to sexual dysfunction and even infertility. We really gotta stop calling wine “mommy juice” and saying things like “pour me a stiff one” as science has proven that alcohol can lead one to being barren and well, limp. I said what I said! In recovery, one step you can take to regulate your hormones is getting a lot of healthy fats into your diet. It works. I have experienced this! I was skeptical, dubious in fact but my hand to the sky, this is a simple and effective first step. So what are healthy fats? Simply put, they are things we like! Eggs, avocado, dark chocolate, nuts, chia seeds, cheese, yogurt, fatty fish, coconut in all its amazing formats (oil/ butter/cream/milk) and extra virgin olive oil. Also that Udo’s 3*6*9 oil I am always going on about has 14 grams of fat per tablespoon. It is legit!
Day 208: Fat A** Smoothie! Half a banana, 1/4 of an avocado, kale, spinach, bloobs, almond butter, Nutritional yeast, Udo’s 3*6*9 oil, coconut cream, ashwagandha, tulsi, rhodiola, wheatgrass, chaga and coconut water. There are nearly 30 grams of fat in this smoothie. All plant based. All organic.
Last night I was looking for an old short story I had written in a stack of journals and I came across a little gratitude list from 2017. I had been sober for a few months and sounded very confident that I was done with drinking forever. Little did I know when I had written this list that I would relapse a few times out of loneliness or naively believing that the reasons I drank were gone, having magically resolved themselves. All fine and good. I learned a lot from those relapses and they got me where I am. Progress doesn’t follow a strait path and sometimes you have to double back because you think you dropped something. Another thing on this gratitude list was Sarah Hepola’s memoir, Blackout: Remembering the things I drank to forget. When I saw it on the list I ran my thumb over the ink. That book meant a lot to me. So much of it was a little too familiar. Sarah and I are both from Dallas and I felt at home in her words about her upbringing. I felt similarly at home in the heart break that came when the story turned to piecing her memories together and apologizing for her “evil twin” aka her drunk self. Even that, I referred to my drunk self as my “bad sister”, a reference to a Snowpony song from the late 90’s. I read Blackout twice, cried a lot and passed on the copy to a friend. They had a similar experience with the book and told me they passed it on to someone else who needed to read it. I love that. Like passing notes in class that just say “you’re not alone”. Seeing this title appear on an old gratitude list got me thinking about all the women who inspired or somehow supported me in my recovery and I want to start recognizing them here. A sober approach to #wcw. There are so many wonderful woman that come to mind immediately and I will be showcasing them each Wednesday until I have acknowledged them all. Today, I am stoked to be kicking it off with Sarah. Girl, wherever you are, your story helped me change my life. As for everyone else, if you haven’t read Blackout but want to, I have a copy that I bought with the intention of passing on to the next person who needs it. I will gladly mail it to anyone who wants it. Just leave a comment below or email me your address.
Day 207: Spinach and kale salad with avocado, vegan kimchi, a six minute egg and bloobs, lemon, hemp seeds and Udo’s 3*6*9 oil. Getting my greens in first thing in the morning makes me feel… brighter, more energetic. Their fiber helps to prevent toxins from building up in my body. Anyone that wants to help clean up around here is good in my book. Now, if only they did dishes..
A few weeks ago, over dinner a friend was telling me about his day and the nearly heroic amount of things he had accomplished. By comparison my own day nearly felt wasted (duh, that is where comparing yourself to others will get you). Just as I was judging our days side by side in my mind he went on to say that he felt as though he had not gotten enough done and that his tomorrow would be a doozy. I listened for a while, feeling his overwhelm and beginning to make it my own. As he finished verbally plotting the day ahead I reminded him to cut himself some slack. Saying “you can do anything but you can’t do everything”.. and since then these words have been cross stitched on the throw pillows of my mind as gentle little reminders for myself. Sometimes these words honestly comfort me. There are moments though where I become defensive and sometimes I find them to be flat out annoying, rude or some kind of a challenge. I have had too many pots on the stove, if you will. Taking the job out of town threw off my rhythm and put me behind on some other projects. For the last week I have noticed how quickly I become unpresent to the task at hand. Physically doing one thing while my mind is skipping ahead to prep the next item on the list or double back and check on that thing from earlier that was also done with half of my attention. THIS is why we practice mindfulness. So we can draw our selves back into the moment. The place where we are actually living our lives. Without this ability and awareness things can snowball and create feelings of not being enough. It is the very worst feeling and it is madness. The kind of madness that leads people to drinking to take the edge off and “quiet the mind” (as if) rather than listen and pay attention to the present moment without judgement. The day is full of opportunities to practice mindfulness that do not require you to sit down on a tacky cross stitched throw pillow and meditate. I try to apply the practice to things I know I am going to be doing already. You know, like breathing and eating.
I take some deep belly breaths. Through out the day our breath can become quick and shallow. This often leads to sighing.. which is not good for your mental state or the people around you. Sighing is the worn out alarm bells of anxiety, depression, overwhelm and disappointment. Breathe into the corners of yourself to stay in the moment.
Mindful eating. This is where we become nourished and fueled for all the living we have got going on. Eating in the car while maneuvering traffic or doom scrolling on the phone takes us out of one of life’s greatest pleasures. Relax, savor and be grateful for the food on your plate. Breathe deeply. Chew slowly. Enjoy each bite. Bonus: I find that being more aware of what I put in my mouth brings the same awareness to the things that come out of it.
Day 206: Kale, broccoli, bell pepper, celery and scallion sautéed in ghee. Topped with a little tahini, dukkah and a soft boiled egg. Berries on the side.
Happy Monday! Time continues to march on. Another day, another dollar, another heat wave, another opportunity to give presence and gratitude to each other, this magnificent spinning rock we call home and what may or may not be the end of the world as we know it. It has been a hot minute since I did a “What is new and good?” ( aka Not Everything Sucks) so let’s do it!
Cities across the world are erecting these amazing air cleaning murals and billboards! Yes, you read that right. Art that cleans the air! These giant murals are made of special, sun-activated, smog-cleaning pigments and painted by local artists. The paint is photocatalytic, made with titanium dioxide that attracts airborne pollutants before converting them into harmless nitrates through a chemical process involving sunlight. This is so rad! It is like beauty to the second power. These highly beneficial and dare I say genius works of art can be found in Warsaw, Monterey, Belgrade, Lima, Sydney, Jakarta, Manila, Sao Paulo, Santiago, Johannesburg, Melbourne, Bogota, and Panama City.
Vermont made composting mandatory! I do not know a lot about Vermont. In my head it’s just full of people wearing Patagonia and raking fall leaves and bobbing for apples while the cider warms up but now those same people are composting in my mind and I just love it! We should all be composting! It reduces greenhouse gas emissions. As food waste breaks down, it releases methane, which is estimated to be 30 times worse for the environment than carbon dioxide. Composting is king!
Australia has an excess of stale beer from restaurant closures due to the pandemic and they are turning it into renewable energy! Almost 40,000 gallons of expired beer is donated every week to a south Australian water treatment facility and they are managing to power 1,200 homes a month with it! The beer donations have boosted energy production to new levels, thanks to its high calorie content. This is wonderful and also makes a pretty good case that beer may not be great for humans to consume.
Day 205: Yogurt, chia seed pudding, watermelon, mint, bloobs, kiwi, hemp hearts, Udo’s 3*6*9 oil and honey.
Go within or go without. This is some of my dads favorite advice. When I was a kid I hated it. I wanted to BE out, forever. For always. Time proved Dad to be right though. I didn’t go within and eventually went without. Heard ya, Dad! So I’m taking the day to catch up with myself and recharge from my desert journey. No cooking, no cleaning, no worrying about anyone’s needs beyond my own. If I hadn’t needed to go pick up my taco in public I think I may have boycotted pants today too. Going inward is a pants free endeavor. Better yet, it is a different trip for everybody. What we find in there determines how we perceive the outer world, how we connect with others and ultimately the quality of our life. It casts rainbows and shadows on all that is external. Inward I go!
Day 204: I ordered take out tacos and a legit green juice without some chaos dose of sugar in it from Veracruz. 1 pablano migas taco with the greenest juice they had… and of course I forgot the name of it. A++
I spent 9 hours in the car today. I drove through hypnotic wind farms, stinky oil fields and a few welcome rain storms. Duncan Trussells Family Hour kept me company for most of the drive. I stopped here and there to take pictures and fill up. At one of the Nowheresville truck stops I noticed they had some green juices on display by the front door. I thought that was pretty rad (progressive even) considering there are rarely healthy snack options on the road. It gave me hope. Until I looked at the label and I saw that it had 50 grams of sugar! That is twice the daily recommended serving (dose?) for women. The Milky Way bar to the right of the display only had 36 grams. Very deceptive. The nerve. Anyhow, I am glad to be off the road and back in the land of plenty. It is unusual for me to get homesick when I am away for work but, I was really feeling it this time. Counting the days and clicking my heels. Just wanting to get back to my little corner of the world. After I dragged myself and all my stuff upstairs I danced through my doorway, ate some watermelon and went out on my bike to watch the sun go down. Yeah it was still 90 degrees but it was magic none the less. I had been dreaming about riding my bike all week. I went over one bridge and under the next, waving goodnight to everyone who camps down there. Past the house with the pig and I cruised by the old pecan orchard. One house had their movie projector set up in the back yard. They were watching Princess Bride, which is too good to pass up. I stopped for second to catch my breath and the classic line “anybody want a peanut?” Then I was off into the night like the Dread Pirate Roberts himself. There really is no place like home.
Day 203: Grapefruit, kimchi and bloobs. Great for being in a hurry and not wanting to dirty up anymore dishes.
At least act like you own the place… I am not sure who said this but I have always thought it to be decent advice. No, this is not hell. However, it was 109° today. That is some kind of punishment, no doubt. I am zapped but, I started strong. Then.. I fell asleep in shavasana. THAT is my way of owning the place.
Day 202: Maybe the best smoothie ever! Roasted beets (left over from dinner), banana, coconut water + a tablespoon of coconut cream, 1/2 pint of bloobs, a splash of Udo’s 3*6*9 oil, ashwagandha, chaga, tulsi and rhodiola. I will definitely be using roasted beets in future smoothies. The texture was awesome and my liver loves them! Yours does too.
I was so sleepy yesterday and I kept finding myself drawn to the idea of jamming a bunch of junk food in my face. There are a piles of cookies, chips and “health” bars around for people to snack on and I am usually pretty blind to them. Not yesterday. My brain was like “you should put Oreo cookies and peanut butter in some cereal and garnish it with crushed up potato chips!” Off the bat I would say that my tired brain is a traitor and has the pallet of a teenage stoner… but with a more empathetic look I see that I was missing home, feeling pissy from a lack of sleep and craving connection. It is true that our food cravings illustrate our emotional state. When we forget this and simply reach to fulfill a craving it can be an act of self abandonment. And this is where a viscous cycles begins. It is important to stop and check in. Ask ourselves “is my true desire Funyuns or am I feeling frustrated about something? Anxious maybe?” Asking ourselves questions like this does more than help us become aware of what we are feeling and avoid ungodly amounts if sodium or sugar. It teaches us that we will show up for ourselves. That we can be trusted to care about our own feelings rather than mute them or numb out when things get challenging. If we fail to stop and show ourselves this kind of care and attention it sets the bar for how we will allow others to treat us. It stands to reason that if we comfort ourselves with junk we will learn to recognize junk from others as care as well. That’s not what we are here for. We don’t want that superficial shit that comes with an expiration date. We want to be nurtured, mind, body and soul. Raise your hand if you would like to be more aware of what your cravings are trying to draw your attention to. Raise your other hand if you want a better coping mechanism than snacks that need full marketing teams to convince you that they are a good idea. Ok, you can put your arms down.. let’s do this!
Sweets: Generally speaks to sadness or depression. You want to feel better and sugar is a quick fix. It boosts your serotonin and dopamine levels but, not for long. Consider what has you feeling down. Get some exercise. Nothing happens if nothing moves, right? Call up that friend that always makes you laugh. If you still want a snack have some raw chocolate. It is the good kind of dope.
Salty and Crunchy: We are looking at stress, anxiety, frustration and anger. Do some deep belly breathing. Meditate. Journal. Answer this question: Have I been speaking up for myself enough? Have some roasted nuts or an apple with some almond butter.. or carrots with your favorite hummus.
Chewy: Oh man.. this used to be my thing! I ate gummy candy like it was going out of style. I even ate those gummy vitamins to justify my problem. I was very depressed at the time and hell bent on thinking my way out of it. I am here to say without a doubt that craving chewy food is a sign of having a lot of stuff on your mind, in other words a lot to chew on. I know, it makes me roll my eyes too but, it’s true! Have some dried fruit or nuts and go meditate. Turn your head off for a sec and watch it on the dried fruit. It is deceivingly high in sugar.
Binging: I want to be clear here, binging and over eating can be caused by nutrient deficiencies and I will revisit this in detail but today we are talking about our emotional body. If you find yourself over eating or binging you may be feeling lonely. The urge to feel full may speak to a lack of connection. You could be experiencing abandonment issues and to make it worse, as I mentioned earlier we often abandon ourselves. This is often coping. This is often a trauma response. Ask yourself what you are really hungry for. The answer is most likely something emotional or spiritual. Foster a loving relationship with yourself. Reach out for help. Know that you are not alone. So many people experience this. I have. Everyone has trauma. More on this to come.
Day 201: Succo-t-hash? Sweet Potatoes, corn, scallions, serranos and arugula with an egg on top. Cantaloupe and bloobs on the side. Oh and a bite of kimchi too, for obvious reasons.
I kid. The coyotes are not a direct threat. They are just loud. Somewhere between the generator dying in the middle of the night (meaning no AC) and the coyotes living it up in the moonlight I did not get an adequate amount of sleep. During the few hours I did manage to slip away I had some pretty amazing dreams. To quote Dorothy “you were there and you were there..” But don’t worry, I won’t bore you with all the details. I will say that if you need some dream therapy this is a great place to be. I have done some of my most prolific dreaming out here in the desert. It is definitely part of what has made this such a healing place for me. It is usually so marvelously quiet (damn coyotes). My subconscious starts talking things out at night and it has provided me many new perspectives and allowed me to let a lot of things go. This is also where I first thought that maybe drinking was hurting more than it was helping. Anyway I laid awake most of the night missing air conditioning, wondering what the coyotes were laughing at and thinking about the girl I was the first time I came out here.. living on Modelo’s, cigarettes and sarcasm. I still love sarcasm but I am glad to have a broader range of expression these days. Now instead of bringing a snide remark, a cooler of beer and tequila I pack my yoga mat, a bunch of kimchi, mineral water and raw chocolate. I never thought this is who I would become. Have I said that before? Probably.. I am sleepy and likely repeating myself. See you in my dreams.
Day 200: Tah Dah! My laziest breakfast yet. A bowl of antioxidants. Grapefruit and bloobs. I ate this and took a little disco nap after serving breakfast to everyone else. They had a lot of meat. Bacon.. sausage.. hash.. I was in no mood for that.
Today I am one year and one month sober!
Feels good! Major changes I have noticed? I am far less pissed. I used to be so angry. So volatile. So.. ready to fight about something. Anger, as an emotion is attached to our livers. Makes since that taking alcohol out of the equation would relieve a lot of that anger. It also makes room for you to objectively look at, name and heal whatever it is you are angry about. Gotta let that shit go. Walking around all pissed off is no way to live. Marcus Aurelius once said “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” To that I say, Preach, Marcus! Preach!
Day 199: Roasted sweet potato, daikon kimchi, arugula, bloobs and hemp hearts.
I love sweet potatoes for breakfast. It’s like taking a multi-vitamin. Honestly. Check this out. It’s got vitamin A, great for your vision and immune system. Vitamin C, the worlds most popular antioxidant. B6, your body does not produce this on its own but needs it to create new red blood cells and neurotransmitters. B5, which converts your food into energy. E, another antioxidant, helps to protect your cells from free radicals and a selling point for a ton of beauty products. Potassium, one of the most vital minerals in the body. It regulates nerve signals, muscle contractions and can reduce blood pressure. Amazing! Last but not least, Manganese. Also vital but you don’t need a ton of it. This stuff does it all. It reduces inflammation, improves the health of our bones, helps regulate our blood sugar and normalizes our metabolism. All of that before lunch! Huzzah!